Internet is freaking out over a 5-year-old’s resume

Full-fledged adults should stop whining about how arduous it is to write a decent résumé, because this five-year-old kid in China has just mastered the art of self-aggrandizing.

Today, an extensive résumé (in Chinese) by an anonymous kindergarten kid became the hottest topic on Chinese social media. Coming in the form of a 15-page PDF document, the résumé gives an incredibly comprehensive overview of the child’s awe-inspiring history.

“I was born in a family where both parents are graduates from Fudan University,” the kid proudly states of his family background in the first part. He even makes a pun out of the name of the university, calling himself a “typical fuerdai,” where the fu of the phrase for “second-generation rich” (富二代 fù’èrdài) is replaced with the fu of Fudan University (复 fù). “I hope I can outperform my parents,” he adds.

The kid moves on to describe himself as “confident,” “considerate,” and “strong.” To give examples, he relates that he never cried over vaccine shots and that one and a half years after his birth, he managed to stand up without help from others if he fell to the ground. “Everyone said praises about how I was so brave,” the kid says.

He also explains how he excelled in four things — literature and history, science and math, arts, and sports. “I write three English essays per week to express my feelings,” he says, adding that he has a variety of hobbies outside school, such as piano, hip-hop dance, soccer, and Go.

In addition, the document includes the kid’s daily schedule, comments from his teachers, and a map that indicates every place he has traveled to.

One admirable quality of the kid’s that really stands out is that the boy is a big reader. He says that he read over 500 English books in the past year. At the end of the résumé, there are five pages listing all the English books he has read so far. On a related note, it’s worth mentioning that a recent study suggests that nearly two-thirds of all Chinese over the age of 18 read no books in their leisure time in 2017.

According to Weibo user kāi bā 开八, who shared the résumé but didn’t disclose how he obtained it, the document appears to be part of some application materials for an international primary school. “Both parents are high achievers working in high-profile positions at international firms,” the user wrote.

The résumé is undoubtedly remarkable. But let’s be real. The amount of effort and skill needed to put it together is far beyond the capability of a five-year-old. So it’s safe to say that the kid’s parents are the ones who deserve all the credit. Or as some internet users speculated, since the parents are executives with busy schedules, the résumé was possibly written by their subordinates.

Whatever the case may be, this viral résumé offers an intriguing glimpse into China’s hyper-competitive education system, where getting into an elite primary school has become more cutthroat than ever.