Reflection

Seven Semesters Down: A Reflection on My Four Years

February 19, 2020 at 10:00amFebruary 19, 2020 by Rachel Oakley

I have 74 days until I graduate from Ohio State.

In a way, even though I feel like my time in Columbus is coming to a close, I don’t want it to end quite yet. Ohio State and Columbus have become a home for me–a place I’ve grown so much in the last four years.

Growing up, I often felt as if I didn’t have a home. Every few years, my family and I would pack up our bags and do another cross-country move. The summer before my senior year of high school I even had the lovely change of moving from Montana to Illinois. I enjoyed the moves, for the most part, yet I never felt settled and that was something I always wanted.

Ultimately, I made the decision to go to Ohio State on a whim. The decision boiled down to Ohio State or the University of Illinois and I guess I was just ready for another change. Whatever I was thinking at the time, I’m happy things worked out the way they did.

I joined the Biological Sciences Scholars group in my first year and I have no doubt my college experience would be so much different if I had not participated in that program. It gave me the chance to meet many wonderful and intelligent people. I have fond memories of my freshman year, but there were also rough times of feeling homesick and lonely, to the point where I even considered transferring back to a school in Illinois. During that time, my mom and I had some long phone calls where we talked about making the most of wherever you’re at. Oftentimes, with growing up and having to move around, I was quick to grow bored of a place. I was one of those people who always thought, “the grass looks greener on the other side.” But that’s not a useful mindset to have. Ultimately, at the end of my freshman year, I choose to stay at Ohio State. Once I decided to stay, I also decided to completely focus on making the most of where I’m at in Columbus and start getting outside of my comfort zone.

I became an OWL Coordinator in my second year, contributing to that decision to become totally engrossed in Ohio State. This opportunity introduced me to a whole new set of people. This position helped me start getting more involved. The friends I made through Owl are ones that have made such an impact on my life. I also became a University Ambassador (or campus tour guide, as it’s more commonly known), which I loved. Through that position, I came in contact with inspiring and involved individuals that I truly hope I’ll stay friends with long after graduation. I also joined a research lab in the psychology department where, six semesters later, I’m still working and planning on completing my senior thesis in April.

I’ve continued this kind of involvement and focus on the present throughout my last two years as well. I’ve held plenty of other positions, specifically my current job as a Peer Leader, which have given me such amazing experiences.

During these last four years, I’ve learned that things don’t really go your way. It’s all about adapting, staying flexible, and not forgetting to enjoy the little things. It’s realizing that the hard times are temporary. Trust me, I’ve had my share of rough periods here at Ohio State–rough weeks, months, and semesters. I’ve overextended myself, taken on too much work just in the hopes of building my resume, failed classes, lost significant relationships, and more. Life isn’t always smooth. But just because there’s been some struggles doesn’t mean I haven’t loved my experience as a whole. I learned how to handle disappointment, to keep moving on. So, I suggest you do the same. Don’t let one thing slow you down. Make the most of your time, because, as everyone says, it goes by so fast.

Maybe I’ll end up staying in Columbus next year or maybe I’ll move far away (I should know what’s next in a couple days!). Regardless, Columbus will always have a special place in my heart. College has been so much more than the classes I’ve taken. The experiences I’ve been able to have here have helped me figure out my own little life path. And the people I’ve met, they mean the world to me. I am surrounded by some of the most intelligent, empathetic, hard working friends.

Thank you Ohio State, but, more importantly, thank you to all those who have created a home for me here.

Back to the Basics: the 3 Pillars

February 13, 2020 at 11:30amFebruary 13, 2020 by Francisco Lopez

College. I’m sure if you’re reading this, you most likely have experienced some time here at Ohio State and have recognized the fact that it can be difficult to take care of yourself. It’s okay, a majority of college students feel the same way. I have gone through my own situations where I wasn’t taking care of myself as well as I should have been. However, I believe taking care of yourself is a process. For processes, it’s more beneficial to have a plan. You can’t just wake up one morning and decide that you want to take care of yourself better then have it immediately happen, unfortunately. That’s why I’m here to hopefully give you some insight on how to start this process; it all starts with taking care of the basics of making sure you’re healthy.

Sleep

College. I’m sure if you’re reading this, you most likely have experienced a night with like…somewhere between 5-6 hours of sleep. Maybe (hopefully not) less. Those coffees and Monsters on campus can only help so much.

Many resources state that for us adults, 7-9 hours is a healthy amount of sleep per night. If you make getting less a routine, you may start feeling lack-of-rest effects like a loss in alertness, a loss in ability to remember/process info, an increase in moodiness, and of course a decrease in energy.

Sleep, like classes or that meeting for the group you’re in, can simply be a scheduled time block. Fitting sleep into your routines/calendars and then working out your plans for studying and socializing around it will hold you accountable and hopefully keep you on track.

As for naps, if that’s something you can fit into your schedule, it’s best to avoid naps over 60-90 minutes to avoid sleep inertia (grogginess), while still gaining the rejuvenation effects. The optimal time is midday between 1 p.m. and 4 p.m., so that way your night schedule isn’t messed up!

Diet

College. I’m sure if you’re reading this, you most likely have experienced a questionable diet choice at some point. Whether it was forgetting to eat for 14 hours or downing 3-4 Buckeye Donuts, most of us students have done something that probably wasn’t for the better.

Diets are tricky…unlike sleep, there is no magic diet that everyone should follow because everyone is built differently, has different needs, and different goals/values. However there are a few “avoidables” that can benefit everyone’s physical health:

Greasy/Fried foods
Excessively sugary foods or drinks (there IS a difference between natural sugars and added sugars)
Excessively salty foods
Highly-processed foods

Honestly, I could go into way more depth and detail with this section, but to keep you from getting bored, I’m going to stop it there. Basically, it is pretty much known if something is unhealthy. Slight substitutions will go a long way towards benefiting your physical health and energy. Have any questions about on-campus food or want some more info? Visit the University Dining website or contact someone within the Student Wellness Center (they do a lot with nutrition/diet counseling and education – it’s free, too!)

Other basics tips?

Try to eat until you’re satisfied, rather than full.
Eat a variety of healthy foods, which provides you with a broader intake of nutrients and keeps you from getting bored!
DRINK WATER. It is essential. The benefits would be a whole other section. There are a bunch of different recommendations as to how much you should be drinking, but I’ll let you research that on your own (everyone is different, like I said). Although I do recommend a glass of water every morning to kick-start your day.
If you’re struggling to find time to eat, do the same thing as sleep and establish time blocks within your schedule!
Add some vegetables.

Exercise

College. I’m sure if you’re reading this, you know of the large campus we have here at Ohio State and all its gyms it has to offer. Have you taken advantage?

Like diets, everyone’s needs are a little bit different, especially with regards to goals. The general “rule” is that it’s considered healthy to partake in moderate physical activity for at least 30 minutes a day. As students, it’s almost easy to have exercise take a backseat in priorities. Most of our time with academics is spent sitting in classrooms and then sitting or laying down to study.. then, to add to it, when we’re finished up, we just want to relax.

However, by incorporating physical activity into our routine (whether that be aerobic activity or strength training) we can combat the negative health effects of all of our sitting.

Exercise, along with all of its benefits, will boost your moods and energy overall while reducing health risks. As a student, we need as much of those benefits as we can get. The good thing about exercise is that there are so many different types and opportunities on campus. The gyms here also have very broad hours, meaning you can incorporate a full workout or a quick sweat almost anytime during the day! Check out the times (and more) at https://recsports.osu.edu/facilities.

It all starts with…

This article was by no means professional advice, but rather general advice from a fellow college student. I’m not an expert in sleep, diets, or exercise. I also want you to know that I sometimes fall short of taking care of myself in these three basic areas. There have been times where I’ve gone to classes with 5 hours of sleep. There have been times where I have eaten 2 Mirror Lake meals. There have been times where I decided to play 2K instead of going to hit back/bicep day. I am in no way asking you to get 9 hours of sleep a night, skip out on every Snickers bar, or go deadlift 500 pounds. I am simply just trying to get you thinking about bettering yourself – these pillars are crucial for that.

The thing is, it all starts with you. Building goals and then proceeding to build commitment to those. Self-responsibility and motivation are key, but practicing consistency in these areas is almost even more important and will benefit you more in the long run.

Oh yeah, and make your bed every morning. I have to work on that too.

Extra Note: Are you or someone you know struggling with having food to eat? Ohio State has food pantries for students.

Introspection: Who are you?

February 5, 2020 at 3:31pm by Timothy Hinton

Every day we walk through life, we should be living our best lives. Not many people can say they are living their best life, but that is likely because we have become an increasingly pessimistic society. We complain, we hold grudges, we care more about the perception someone else has of us than our own opinion of ourselves. We have lost ourselves in time.

What type of life do you want to live? Do you want to live a life that is filled with adventure, fun, passion, and lots of love? Do you want to live a life with regret, anger, contempt, and confusion? Select your path and allow me to introduce both sides in my story so you can understand what each has to give (or take).

My Story

I believe we all have a choice: a choice to be phenomenal or a choice to listen to the demeaning thoughts in our heads. Throughout my first year in college, I allowed the negative thoughts to deafen my optimistic spirit and kill me, slowly. Drained on a daily basis, I tried to obtain some source of motivation to take me out of this slump, but my motivations were all external. I questioned my intelligence, my sense of purpose, my life. I was going through a very tough stint in my life; however, depression became the present that would open my eyes to a new world. I was receiving all of my validation from the feelings of being liked by others, I was going to social media for validation (keeping up with the amount of likes and how many followers I had), and I was taken astray causing stress in my sense of existence. I felt so alone even when I was in a crowd of people, I felt envious toward those who had everything I felt I didn’t, I felt uncertain because I didn’t know who I was.

Self-Realization

I started to realize that all of the things I was pursuing were in fact driven by the external factors in my life, but not once did I ask myself what I wanted to become. As I began to come to this realization, I started to tend to myself and listen to that internal voice who has guided me in my journey of life. We all have our own answers, but many times we leave our own questions unanswered because we want to be able to correspond with the majority. We lose sight of the person who truly matters the most: ourselves. If we do not take care of ourselves, we cannot take care of someone else to the best of our ability. If we do not love ourselves, we will not be able to share a love that is full and wholehearted.

Takeaways

I learned that I must start appreciating myself and others would follow. When you understand who you are, you become authentic, you have genuine meaning in your voice, in your spirit. You are then not led by a false reality that you have shaped to fit in to society, but by something that lives within each of us, our heart. You discover that you are unique, that you are amazing, that you are one of a kind and nobody could ever replace you.

Usually we give out resources, but I do not want to throw resources at you because in the game of life, you are a resource to your self-actualization. You have the power to change your life and no one else has that leverage to do such a thing. To make the most of today, to live our best lives, we have to look deep within and start a new chapter in our book called self-appreciation, self-love, self-discovery. Everything else will follow, I promise!

So, I ask again what path will you choose, how do you want to live your life?

P.S. Watch this YouTube video.

A Major Change

January 15, 2020 at 2:30pmJanuary 15, 2020 by Amaal Ahmed

A lot of things can happen in the short months of fall semester during your first year of university. Everyone experiences growth in college and sometimes that transition as you build your identity can help you realize interests and passions that you didn’t have the chance to explore in the past. Sometimes those changes include a realization that your field of study isn’t in your field of interest.

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If you are like me and already had doubts about your career path before entering college, you know the decision to change your major can be a long and stressful process. I started off as a biology major and psychology minor with the goal of one day becoming a doctor, embodying the quintessential pre-med student at Ohio State. Although I haven’t deviated from the health field and am now a neuroscience major on the pre-pharmacy track, my coursework and experiences my first year of college played a big role in helping me recognize my true passions. I researched a lot of majors for most of my first year, trying to figure out what connected to me the most. It took time, but I’m glad I didn’t rush my decision because eventually I found a major that supported my interests and aligned with the career path I wanted.

There isn’t an algorithm for choosing what major fits for you; sometimes it just takes you stepping back and thinking very basically about what you like. Take a few minutes to stop what you’re doing and ask yourself a series of questions; here are some examples:

What interests you?

What kind of future you see yourself having?

Are you attracted to a specific income?

Do you prefer to be in charge of your own work or do you prefer to work under someone else?

Do some self reflection and then take that information and create alternative paths you could see yourself having in college and beyond and see which one resonates with you the most. There is nothing wrong with being a biology student on the pre-med track if that is what truly interests you, but there are many different ways to enter the field of medicine without being a biology major. Although that might not be the case with some majors like, say, biomedical engineering, a lot of career paths don’t require one specific major to enter that field. My best piece of advice is first, figure out what career you would like to have, think about the different majors that can land you that career, then research each major to see what appeals to you the most.

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If you don’t know where to start with career exploration, it’s okay because thankfully there are resources on campus to help with that. Career Counseling and Support Services can be a useful resource when it comes to thinking about jobs. Similarly, if you need help with exploring majors, University Exploration is something you might want to look into. Through this advising office you can explore different paths of education while getting the credits and classes you need to stay on track to graduate. You can meet with an Exploration advisor at any time, regardless of what your major is, and get help on figuring out what you want to study. The Internet is also an amazing tool when it comes to research and most majors at Ohio State have pages filled with information that will allow you to see the curriculum for specific majors as well as links for potential career paths. Your academic advisor is also a great starting point if you’re unsure where to begin. Although they might not have a vast knowledge of the other majors/colleges on campus, they will still be able to direct you to the resources that can help you.

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Choosing or redeciding on a major can be a tedious process but it doesn’t have to be something you go through alone. I personally wish I used one of these resources earlier on because I probably could have saved myself a ton of stress and confusion. It’s okay if you don’t have your entire life figured out today. It’s also okay if you don’t know the exact career you want to have in the next 20 years, but it’s important that you at least recognize what careers have the potential to fulfill you and what careers you want to avoid at all costs.

Best of luck!

If You’re Reading This, It’s Not Too Late

November 26, 2019 at 3:00pm by Amaal Ahmed

Congrats, you’ve made it through most of fall semester. The question is, do you know how to prepare for spring semester?

My first semester was two years ago, so I would be lying if I said I remembered exactly how I spent it. I do, however, remember feeling both relieved and anxious and I can confirm this because it’s exactly how I felt during winter break last year. It feels good to know you’ve accomplished something and you are one step closer to your next goal, but it’s scary to realize you don’t know what the future will bring. It’s hard not to worry about your progress, or think about how satisfied you are with your current work ethic, your major or just your life in general. My first semester, I spent more time focused on classes and personal problems than I did taking care of myself, which led to me forming some unhealthy coping mechanisms and being unhappy overall. Not to mention, I was considering changing my major and felt so lost about what I wanted to do. It was a difficult time, but I survived it. There is a way, however, to alleviate that stress and that’s by taking time to think about what you want to prepare for next semester and setting goals so you can do things differently in the future.

There are a lot of different ways to set goals. My personal favorite is writing all of them down as a gigantic map in my bullet journal (it’s really chaotic). There are also more structured ways, like S.M.A.R.T. goal setting. However you choose to create your goals, make sure your goals are specific and include specific steps on how to achieve that goal and measure your progress on achieving that goal. An example of a goal you could set is getting into your desired major by a certain date.

And so, here are my tips for the best way to prepare for spring semester:

Remember that you are the boss of your own education. If you were unsatisfied with your classes for autumn semester and are reconsidering your major, don’t feel pressured to stay in classes you don’t want to be in. Use this break to do some research and explore other majors and schedule to meet with an Exploration advisor or consider career counseling. It’s normal to be unsure or lost about what you want to do but it’s important that you address it and make efforts to figure it out.

Transform your health. If you ate a lot of crappy food and/or didn’t work out in autumn semester, use this break to change that. Drink lots of water and take advantage of home-cooked meals if you aren’t staying on campus. Likewise, try a new recipe if you are sticking around. Maybe learn how to do some yoga. Use this time to improve your health, mentally and physically. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t fallen victim to the “Freshman 15”, but believe me when I say it’s an exhausting way to live and not how you want to spend your first year of college.

Start a routine! Having a routine gives you small goals to accomplish throughout the day and you’ll feel better after each one. Over winter break, these goals don’t have to be “big”. For example, your routine could be getting out of bed by 11 a.m., eating breakfast, making your bed, working out and sleeping by 11 p.m. Creating and sticking to habits during the weeks you aren’t on campus will help you slide into routine when you get back on campus. It will help you manage your work without wasting time and give you time to take care of yourself.

Did you have a good support system in autumn semester? Winter break is the perfect time to reflect on the relationships you created over the last few months. It’s important that you have people on campus who support and uplift you. If the people you hang out with aren’t good influences and don’t encourage your growth, it might be time to distance yourself from them and seek better connections.

Get a planner, calendar, or journal and write down all important deadlines and exam dates at the start of the semester for each of your classes for the entire semester (based on your syllabi). This can include homework, readings, lab reports, essays, basically anything you could get assigned; you can do it during the first few weeks of classes and it will make you feel a lot more prepared later on.

You may have already realized this, but time goes by fast when you’re in college. You might feel exhausted after finals and find yourself wanting to not think about school for a few weeks, but pushing the thought away isn’t going to make the first day of classes come any later. When everything slows down, take time to do some self-reflection, I promise you’ll feel better when you do. Good luck!

Home for break: What does it feel like?

November 20, 2019 at 4:23pm by Thaliyah Cools-Lartigue

Managing your emotions when going home is an unexpected obstacle as a first-year student. There are so many things to look forward to: your own bed, home cooked meals and the spirit of the holiday season for winter break. Something I did not plan for was my emotion, the changing relationships of friends from home and the separation from ‘freedom’ that I so loved while being on campus. This is not to say that your experience will be exactly like mine; however, you can use it as a possible rendition of what you may feel when you travel to ‘home sweet home.’

The first time I came home for an extended period of time was winter break. I remember feeling really confused about having almost a whole month off from school, not being surrounded by all the wonderful new friends I’d made and my parents suddenly asking me to do chores again or set curfews. It took me a moment to realize that there had been a change in my lifestyle and that needed to be recognized. The break is only temporary and I could have focused more on being around my family so often again, finally eating my mom’s cooking and being in the comfort of my own home. Once that happened, curling up on the couch to watch a movie was the best feeling. I realized I hadn’t had it in a while and it felt really good.

A part of me also felt a sense of surprise. They say ‘expect the unexpected’ and in this moment that was definitely true. I almost felt like I was on vacation, living out of suitcase during those weeks of break because I technically no longer lived at home. Home was a slightly different feeling. If you have younger siblings, you sort of feel out of the loop with their lives because you’ve been ‘away.’ Even my younger sisters hadn’t grasped that ‘sissy’s going to college’ meant sissy’s moving out and becoming (trying to be) an adult. I noticed my relationships with some close friends from home were shifting. As I had grown through my first semester at college, so had they. I also realized we were not as close as I had hoped to still be. It was nice to see everyone again and also to acknowledge that we all are on different paths now, and that’s okay. The initial emotion was slightly shocking however it became a comfortable reality.

Overall, your emotions when going home can vary and shift often. I think it’s important to ultimately realize that things change and your lifestyle now is also really different. Take the break as a time to relax or mentally prepare for the shift back to school for second semester as well. Continue to be aware that change is inevitable and that’s okay.

Oh No, I Picked the Wrong Friends :(

October 30, 2019 at 5:15pmOctober 30, 2019 by Lauryn Lewis

The fall of my freshman year I worried most about the change in academic rigor from high school to college. I realized I would have to adjust how much time I spent on my schoolwork and my methods of studying. I didn’t realize I would also have to reevaluate my previous friendships as well as my methods for forming new bonds. That first semester made me realize I no longer had any close friends and that I’d have to use more energy than in the past to form quality friendships. As the semester got more challenging and more things in my life were changing, I began to long for a support system on campus. I wanted REAL friends.

I tried some of the traditional ways to make friends like keeping my door open in my residence hall, talking to people in my classes and trying to join clubs. Although I met many people, none of the relationships stuck. Unlike high school, where I saw the same people daily, college life was more fluid and unpredictable. People where entering and exiting my life more quickly than I was able to remember their names! The few people who were consistently in my life were my roommates and a group of guys who lived on my floor. But the more I got to know them the more I wish I didn’t know them at all. I didn’t share any values with them. In fact, many of their views were in opposition to the identities I hold (i.e., they were kinda racist/sexist).

These issues became very apparent after an incident in a store toward the end of my first semester. I was followed throughout the store and stopped by security. In that moment I felt scared, humiliated and alone. I rushed back to my building, wanting someone, anyone, to confide in. I tried talking with one of the people I regularly hung out with, but he just questioned me and tried to figure out what I “did wrong” that “made” them think I was stealing. I was hurt and I was angry. Soon after this I decided to tell one of my professors what happened and about the reaction of the person from my floor. She introduced me to some students she knew who shared similar identities and values. I didn’t become best friends with these new people overnight, but I suddenly had people to eat with in the dining hall and I could talk about my life experiences with them without worrying about being shut down. I am still friends with one of these people now, two years later!

Starting my second year didn’t make finding friends any easier but I learned many things about making quality friends. I understood that a fulfilling friendship is like a plant; it needs nourishment and time in order to grow. I no longer thought of myself as a failure for not having a bunch of best friends. First year students are always told how to make new friends but aren’t taught the value in nurturing brand new friendships and I think that is a major oversight. Making friends for the sake of not being alone isn’t enough. You should never tolerate people who make you feel bad about yourself. It is OKAY to struggle with making friends because quality friendships take discretion.

Being a Resilient Student

October 16, 2019 at 12:20pmOctober 16, 2019 by Grace Quigley

Whether it’s your first year or your fifth year, you’re most likely going to experience some type of obstacle during your time at Ohio State that affects you academically, financially, emotionally, physically, or all of the above. Being able to overcome these types of challenges is a crucial part of being a student and individual. Resiliency and learning to advocate for myself was the theme of my first year, and the experiences, successes, and challenges I endured allowed me to grow and learn so much about myself.

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Being a resilient student could mean something different to every person. To me, being a resilient student means that in the face of obstacle – a failing grade, a homework assignment you forgot, or something entirely unrelated to academics – you’re able to advocate for yourself, overcome, and continue. Resiliency is being able to ask for help, use your resources, and having an open mindset to overcome your challenges.

When approached with a new challenge in college, having a “growth mindset” guided me. It was incredibly easy to view failures and average grades with a fixed mindset, being stuck in as negative of a space as possible; I would blame myself for not being productive and successful and stay stuck in a cloud of worry, which only distracted me from what I needed to do, which in return worried me more, and the cycle would continue. Teaching myself to have a growth mindset (which took a lot of practice) that could let me view challenges as learning and growth opportunities and in a slightly more positive light would at the very least allow me to shift my perspective and not spiral into worry. Image result for growth mindset

If faced with an unexpected obstacle during your first year, remember that you are capable of advocating for yourself. There’s most likely someone on campus who can help you with whatever you are going through, or who can direct you to someone else who can help. So many of my problems during my first year could have been solved or reduced by asking for help. Being able to ask for help during these periods of struggles is one of the largest components of resiliency and a form of self-advocacy; use what you have available to help you.

It’s important to remember why you’re here at Ohio State and how capable and worthy you are of success. Use that as motivation to continue through those obstacles while studying here, and the skills you learn along the way will allow you to be a more open-minded, aware, and resilient person.

You’re Not Alone in Feeling Alone

October 4, 2019 at 12:05pmOctober 4, 2019 by Shruti Nayak

“Get involved! Leave your door open the first few weeks! Find your lifelong friends!”

Sound familiar? Coming into college, I figured it would be easy to make friends. On a campus with over 50,000 people, it couldn’t be too difficult to find a handful of close friends, right? I certainly didn’t think so, but it ended up being harder than I expected. If you had idealistic expectations like me, you probably fell into some of the traps I did. For example:

You assume your roommates are going to become your close friends. When you’re trapped in a confined space with other people, you think you’ll end up spending so much time together and inevitably become BFFs. Unfortunately, this usually isn’t the case. If you end up with roommate(s) who you really click with, that’s great! If you don’t, that’s pretty normal. With so many people at one school, it’s unrealistic to expect that the people you happen to live with will become your closest friends.

You expect the first people you meet in a student organization to become your close friends. You go to the involvement fair, find the perfect club, and muster up the courage to attend the first meeting. You talk to a few people and consistently continue to go to the meetings. A few months in, though, you may realize you don’t really see these people much outside of the club. While it’s nice to think that you’ll easily become friends with people who share common interests, it’s not necessarily going to happen so easily.

You expect the people in your first semester classes to become your close friends. In the first few weeks of the semester, everyone’s trying to make friends. People are going out of their way to introduce themselves, exchange phone numbers, and work on group projects together. For the duration of the semester, you may consistently see the same people because you share a class with them. This doesn’t mean you’ll automatically become friends, and once the class is over, it doesn’t mean you’ll stay friends.

Hopefully, you’re beginning to see a common pattern here: you expect the first group of people you meet on campus to become your close friends. These are assumptions that I made my first year, and when the first semester had ended, I felt alone. I thought I had somehow failed at college by not finding a close group of friends within my first semester. When I went home for winter break, I felt isolated, and coming back to campus didn’t sound as appealing without a close group of friends to return to. At that point, I wasn’t sure what to do, but here are some things I eventually learned:

Building worthwhile relationships takes time. After knowing the same people my entire life, I had forgotten what it felt like to form new relationships with strangers, and I was in too much of a hurry to make connections. Eventually, some of the people I occasionally talked to my first semester grew to be some of my now closest friends. We ended up spending more time together and things eventually clicked. Whether you connect with someone instantly doesn’t determine whether you’ll end up being good friends, so give yourself time to get to know people.

It’s okay to let people and expectations go. In the eagerness that comes with trying to find a new group of friends, it can be tempting to cling onto the first group of people you meet on campus. You may try really hard to keep in touch with people from your first semester classes or the first few people you met at student org meetings. You may even keep trying to force a connection with your roommates that just doesn’t pan out. At some point, you have to give up. You’re not meant to be friends with everyone you meet, and you’re not obligated to stay in touch with people just because they were the first people you met when you came to campus. Chances are, you’ll end up meeting some of your closest friends later on in your college experience.

Sometimes, there’s value in being alone. During the month of winter break, I had a lot of time to reflect on my first semester, and I came to an interesting realization. One of the most exciting (and sometimes terrifying) aspects of coming to college is the newfound independence. Part of me associated independence with being alone, and that idea made me uncomfortable. In high school, I was used to being surrounded by people all day, including club meetings after school. During my first semester, when I didn’t spend as much time with other people, I learned to become more comfortable spending time with myself. Even though I eventually found my social circle, I learned the value of spending time alone and enjoying my own company.

Here’s my ultimate piece of advice: when it comes to finding your social circle on campus, just give it time. It’s perfectly normal and okay to feel alone sometimes, even at a school where you’re constantly surrounded by people. Eventually, as you continue to meet more people, you’ll end up finding those lifelong friends you’re searching for- and it will be well worth the wait.

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