relationships

If You’re Reading This, It’s Not Too Late

November 26, 2019 at 3:00pm by Amaal Ahmed

Congrats, you’ve made it through most of fall semester. The question is, do you know how to prepare for spring semester?

My first semester was two years ago, so I would be lying if I said I remembered exactly how I spent it. I do, however, remember feeling both relieved and anxious and I can confirm this because it’s exactly how I felt during winter break last year. It feels good to know you’ve accomplished something and you are one step closer to your next goal, but it’s scary to realize you don’t know what the future will bring. It’s hard not to worry about your progress, or think about how satisfied you are with your current work ethic, your major or just your life in general. My first semester, I spent more time focused on classes and personal problems than I did taking care of myself, which led to me forming some unhealthy coping mechanisms and being unhappy overall. Not to mention, I was considering changing my major and felt so lost about what I wanted to do. It was a difficult time, but I survived it. There is a way, however, to alleviate that stress and that’s by taking time to think about what you want to prepare for next semester and setting goals so you can do things differently in the future.

There are a lot of different ways to set goals. My personal favorite is writing all of them down as a gigantic map in my bullet journal (it’s really chaotic). There are also more structured ways, like S.M.A.R.T. goal setting. However you choose to create your goals, make sure your goals are specific and include specific steps on how to achieve that goal and measure your progress on achieving that goal. An example of a goal you could set is getting into your desired major by a certain date.

And so, here are my tips for the best way to prepare for spring semester:

Remember that you are the boss of your own education. If you were unsatisfied with your classes for autumn semester and are reconsidering your major, don’t feel pressured to stay in classes you don’t want to be in. Use this break to do some research and explore other majors and schedule to meet with an Exploration advisor or consider career counseling. It’s normal to be unsure or lost about what you want to do but it’s important that you address it and make efforts to figure it out.

Transform your health. If you ate a lot of crappy food and/or didn’t work out in autumn semester, use this break to change that. Drink lots of water and take advantage of home-cooked meals if you aren’t staying on campus. Likewise, try a new recipe if you are sticking around. Maybe learn how to do some yoga. Use this time to improve your health, mentally and physically. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t fallen victim to the “Freshman 15”, but believe me when I say it’s an exhausting way to live and not how you want to spend your first year of college.

Start a routine! Having a routine gives you small goals to accomplish throughout the day and you’ll feel better after each one. Over winter break, these goals don’t have to be “big”. For example, your routine could be getting out of bed by 11 a.m., eating breakfast, making your bed, working out and sleeping by 11 p.m. Creating and sticking to habits during the weeks you aren’t on campus will help you slide into routine when you get back on campus. It will help you manage your work without wasting time and give you time to take care of yourself.

Did you have a good support system in autumn semester? Winter break is the perfect time to reflect on the relationships you created over the last few months. It’s important that you have people on campus who support and uplift you. If the people you hang out with aren’t good influences and don’t encourage your growth, it might be time to distance yourself from them and seek better connections.

Get a planner, calendar, or journal and write down all important deadlines and exam dates at the start of the semester for each of your classes for the entire semester (based on your syllabi). This can include homework, readings, lab reports, essays, basically anything you could get assigned; you can do it during the first few weeks of classes and it will make you feel a lot more prepared later on.

You may have already realized this, but time goes by fast when you’re in college. You might feel exhausted after finals and find yourself wanting to not think about school for a few weeks, but pushing the thought away isn’t going to make the first day of classes come any later. When everything slows down, take time to do some self-reflection, I promise you’ll feel better when you do. Good luck!

Home for break: What does it feel like?

November 20, 2019 at 4:23pm by Thaliyah Cools-Lartigue

Managing your emotions when going home is an unexpected obstacle as a first-year student. There are so many things to look forward to: your own bed, home cooked meals and the spirit of the holiday season for winter break. Something I did not plan for was my emotion, the changing relationships of friends from home and the separation from ‘freedom’ that I so loved while being on campus. This is not to say that your experience will be exactly like mine; however, you can use it as a possible rendition of what you may feel when you travel to ‘home sweet home.’

The first time I came home for an extended period of time was winter break. I remember feeling really confused about having almost a whole month off from school, not being surrounded by all the wonderful new friends I’d made and my parents suddenly asking me to do chores again or set curfews. It took me a moment to realize that there had been a change in my lifestyle and that needed to be recognized. The break is only temporary and I could have focused more on being around my family so often again, finally eating my mom’s cooking and being in the comfort of my own home. Once that happened, curling up on the couch to watch a movie was the best feeling. I realized I hadn’t had it in a while and it felt really good.

A part of me also felt a sense of surprise. They say ‘expect the unexpected’ and in this moment that was definitely true. I almost felt like I was on vacation, living out of suitcase during those weeks of break because I technically no longer lived at home. Home was a slightly different feeling. If you have younger siblings, you sort of feel out of the loop with their lives because you’ve been ‘away.’ Even my younger sisters hadn’t grasped that ‘sissy’s going to college’ meant sissy’s moving out and becoming (trying to be) an adult. I noticed my relationships with some close friends from home were shifting. As I had grown through my first semester at college, so had they. I also realized we were not as close as I had hoped to still be. It was nice to see everyone again and also to acknowledge that we all are on different paths now, and that’s okay. The initial emotion was slightly shocking however it became a comfortable reality.

Overall, your emotions when going home can vary and shift often. I think it’s important to ultimately realize that things change and your lifestyle now is also really different. Take the break as a time to relax or mentally prepare for the shift back to school for second semester as well. Continue to be aware that change is inevitable and that’s okay.

You’re Not Alone in Feeling Alone

October 4, 2019 at 12:05pmOctober 4, 2019 by Shruti Nayak

“Get involved! Leave your door open the first few weeks! Find your lifelong friends!”

Sound familiar? Coming into college, I figured it would be easy to make friends. On a campus with over 50,000 people, it couldn’t be too difficult to find a handful of close friends, right? I certainly didn’t think so, but it ended up being harder than I expected. If you had idealistic expectations like me, you probably fell into some of the traps I did. For example:

You assume your roommates are going to become your close friends. When you’re trapped in a confined space with other people, you think you’ll end up spending so much time together and inevitably become BFFs. Unfortunately, this usually isn’t the case. If you end up with roommate(s) who you really click with, that’s great! If you don’t, that’s pretty normal. With so many people at one school, it’s unrealistic to expect that the people you happen to live with will become your closest friends.

You expect the first people you meet in a student organization to become your close friends. You go to the involvement fair, find the perfect club, and muster up the courage to attend the first meeting. You talk to a few people and consistently continue to go to the meetings. A few months in, though, you may realize you don’t really see these people much outside of the club. While it’s nice to think that you’ll easily become friends with people who share common interests, it’s not necessarily going to happen so easily.

You expect the people in your first semester classes to become your close friends. In the first few weeks of the semester, everyone’s trying to make friends. People are going out of their way to introduce themselves, exchange phone numbers, and work on group projects together. For the duration of the semester, you may consistently see the same people because you share a class with them. This doesn’t mean you’ll automatically become friends, and once the class is over, it doesn’t mean you’ll stay friends.

Hopefully, you’re beginning to see a common pattern here: you expect the first group of people you meet on campus to become your close friends. These are assumptions that I made my first year, and when the first semester had ended, I felt alone. I thought I had somehow failed at college by not finding a close group of friends within my first semester. When I went home for winter break, I felt isolated, and coming back to campus didn’t sound as appealing without a close group of friends to return to. At that point, I wasn’t sure what to do, but here are some things I eventually learned:

Building worthwhile relationships takes time. After knowing the same people my entire life, I had forgotten what it felt like to form new relationships with strangers, and I was in too much of a hurry to make connections. Eventually, some of the people I occasionally talked to my first semester grew to be some of my now closest friends. We ended up spending more time together and things eventually clicked. Whether you connect with someone instantly doesn’t determine whether you’ll end up being good friends, so give yourself time to get to know people.

It’s okay to let people and expectations go. In the eagerness that comes with trying to find a new group of friends, it can be tempting to cling onto the first group of people you meet on campus. You may try really hard to keep in touch with people from your first semester classes or the first few people you met at student org meetings. You may even keep trying to force a connection with your roommates that just doesn’t pan out. At some point, you have to give up. You’re not meant to be friends with everyone you meet, and you’re not obligated to stay in touch with people just because they were the first people you met when you came to campus. Chances are, you’ll end up meeting some of your closest friends later on in your college experience.

Sometimes, there’s value in being alone. During the month of winter break, I had a lot of time to reflect on my first semester, and I came to an interesting realization. One of the most exciting (and sometimes terrifying) aspects of coming to college is the newfound independence. Part of me associated independence with being alone, and that idea made me uncomfortable. In high school, I was used to being surrounded by people all day, including club meetings after school. During my first semester, when I didn’t spend as much time with other people, I learned to become more comfortable spending time with myself. Even though I eventually found my social circle, I learned the value of spending time alone and enjoying my own company.

Here’s my ultimate piece of advice: when it comes to finding your social circle on campus, just give it time. It’s perfectly normal and okay to feel alone sometimes, even at a school where you’re constantly surrounded by people. Eventually, as you continue to meet more people, you’ll end up finding those lifelong friends you’re searching for- and it will be well worth the wait.

Love is in the air

February 10, 2016 at 12:30pmFebruary 10, 2016 by Julie Brock

Some people hate it, and some people love it, but either way Valentine’s Day is 4 days away! So, let’s have a chat about relationships! It doesn’t matter if you’re currently seeing someone, actively looking, or happily, perpetually single. Valentine’s Day and relationships are things most people thinks about on Feb. 14. Maybe you’re just in it for the discount chocolate on Feb. 15, your idea of sweet nothings is whispering I want to be with you as much as–if not more–I don’t want to be with a Furby at night, or you spend weeks planning something special for your boo.

To be honest, I’m more excited for Deadpool to be released on Feb. 12 this year, but to each their own.

Source: Marvel

But on a more serious note, let’s take a closer at some relationship statistics for college students…

43 percent of women report experiencing violent and abusive dating behaviors
1 in 3 people in relationships have given their partner their computer, email, or social network passwords and these students are more likely to experience digital dating abuse
57 percent say dating abuse is difficult to identify and 58 percent don’t know how to help someone who is experiencing it

What defines a healthy relationship?

No matter your relationship status these are important questions to think about. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is able to help:

Healthy relationships allow both partners to feel supported and connected but still feel independent. COMMUNICATION and BOUNDARIES are the two major components of a healthy relationship. Ultimately, the two people in the relationship decide what is healthy for them and what is not. If something doesn’t feel right, you should have the freedom to voice your concerns to your partner.

Where can you get help or just talk to someone?

*If you are in an unsafe relationship please use caution and access these links from a public computer.

Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. It’s open 24/7, and there are no fees, no names, no judgement, just help. Here’s what to expect when you contact the hotline. They even have a live chat system online.
Knowledge is power. Learn more about safety planning
Call the organization Love is Respect at 1-866-331-9474. The line is open 24/7. You can even chat online with their representatives.
For advice on how to get help for someone else The National Domestic Violence Hotline, Love is Respect, and Ohio State’s BuckMD Blog can help.
The Ohio Alliance to End Sexual Violence provides a comprehensive list of in person service centers separated by county.
Student Life at Ohio State has compiled information and resources to help victims of sexual violence.

I know it’s a heavy topic but it’s one that has the potential to impact everyone regardless of gender, race, sexual orientation, age, or personality. So, please, if you or someone you know is in this position, speak up.

8 Ways Your First Year is Like Falling in Love

June 11, 2014 at 3:30pmJune 12, 2014 by Lisa Combs

We have reached the 8^th day of Ohio State orientation and in honor of this 8th day, I will share with you the 8 ways your first year is like falling in love.

1. The Butterflies

When first falling in love you may feel anxious, nervous and excited — what we commonly refer to as experiencing “the butterflies.” These butterflies are the similar to the feelings that students have before they enter their first year of college. Many students begin to feel anxious and excited as they think about their classes, their roommates or simply adjusting to a new lifestyle, unlike anything they have ever known before. Being nervous is normal. However, I encourage you to approach your first year with an open mind and to experience the new things available to you. This “leap of faith” toward your newfound love (Ohio State, of course!) can make your freshman year truly amazing.

2. Speed Dating

Falling in love requires finding the right person. When falling in love, you may search for “the one” or the person who is the right fit. This involves trying new things and learning about different people, similar to the Involvement Fair, which is held on the Oval on the first Sunday of Welcome Week. There are over 700 student organizations represented on the Oval with members eager to speak with new students about that club or organization. These groups gather there with the sole purpose of sharing their passions and interests with incoming students, hoping to create a connection. Like dating, it is a time for first-year students to learn about different student organizations and find the right path of involvement.

3. Your First Date

When going on your first date, one of the biggest decisions is deciding where to eat. Just like a date, your first year offers many dining options at the university. Some of my favorites include the Ohio Union, Kennedy Commons, Fresh Express and Mirror Lake Creamery (voted the best “cheap date” location on campus)!

4. The Honeymoon Phase

The honeymoon phase includes the early stages of a relationship when everything feels exciting and new. This can be compared to the first six weeks here at Ohio State, when first-year students start to make their connections and begin to adjust to their new lives and environments. My piece of advice for you is to stay on campus as much as possible during these first six weeks to take in the excitement and to develop these new relationships.

5. The First Kiss

In love stories, the “first kiss” is a magical moment, symbolizing the love and connection between two people. It’s a moment full of beauty and understanding and one that is not easily forgotten. This “magical first kiss moment” is similar to another magical moment during your first year at Ohio State. It’s the moment where you become a part of the Ohio State family and truly understand what it means to be a Buckeye. This could be the first time you sing “Carmen Ohio,” the first time you connect with your roommate, when you join a student organization, or even your first year orientation.

6. The First Fight

Love can come with some bumps in the road. Problems arise and fighting happens but sometimes this is what makes relationships healthy. These disputes can offer opportunities to learn, grow and develop. Your first year may not be perfect, but challenges will serve as a way to grow as you begin to learn more about yourself and more about the world.

7. Sharing living space

A big step in a relationship is making the decision to spend more time with that person. Eventually some couples spend so much time together, they begin to learn the intricate details about a person (their cleanliness, daily habits, etc.) similar to moving in with your roommate during your first year. This could be one of the first times you learn how to cohabitate with someone and what it’s like to be away from your home and your family.

8. The Moment You Say “I Love You”

This is the special moment where two people express the feelings and emotions that have been developing for each other. Realizing how much you love a person can be similar to recognizing your attachment to your university. For me, I realized that I’ll always have a place for Ohio State in my heart because of my wonderful memories here and the simple fact that I am and always will be a Buckeye for life.

Check out our blog on Friday to read our 10th day of orientation post from the amazing Alante’ Ward…he’ll discuss the 10 types of people you meet during your first year!

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