Author: Julia Scheinman

Life After Formal Sorority Recruitment: The Social and Financial Realities

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Bid Day is the final day of the exhausting, two-week formal recruitment process. Not only is Bid Day the end of recruitment, it is also the beginning of a whirlwind experience that is joining a sorority. It is the first day in the journey of becoming an initiated, life-long member of a national organization. If you are like me and signed up for formal sorority recruitment on a whim–without any family members who had ever participated–you are probably feeling completely overwhelmed in the weeks following Bid Day.
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I began thinking about signing up for sorority recruitment during my first semester when I felt nostalgic and missing my girlfriends from home, who I had spent endless hours with rehearsing and performing. It occurred to me that a sorority might be a way for me to replicate that community of girlfriends that I cherished. I loved high school because of friendships with older girls I admired and then becoming that person who younger girls looked up to. In other words, I wanted to be someone’s little, and then be someone’s BIG.

That right there was the extent to which I thought through the decision to sign up for sorority recruitment. I didn’t ask questions about how much it cost. I didn’t ask questions about the new member process. I was completely unprepared for being a member of the Greek Community.

What I wish I had known as a first-year student going Greek:

The Costs

According the most recent data, the average new sorority member will pay $1,280 per semester.

  • $1,280 x 7 semesters = nearly $9,000 over the course of four years
  • I need to earn $80/week during the 16-week semester to pay for it
  • Some chapters have payment plans and additional scholarships – for example, my friend washes dishes to help pay dues.
  • The reality: The majority of students are not paying their Greek life dues on their own. There is limited socioeconomic diversity.

Financial barriers

Our campus should be sensitive to the fact that access to participating in Greek life is limited to those who can pay for it. If you have a friend who may really have wanted to try Greek life, but cannot afford it:

  • Only 11% of Ohio State is Greek! Encourage your friend to seek out involvement that provides a similar community – you can find incredible friends in other student organizations.
  • Invite her to hang out with your friends in your sorority. My best friend from freshman year did not go Greek but I take her as my date to different functions and she was always welcome at my sorority house.
  • Be careful with how you paint your experience and be aware of your friend’s feelings. It’s important to share the exciting moments as well as the overwhelming ones. A sorority experience is not a perfect one.

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The realities of sisterhood

  • A sisterly bond is stronger than friends, right? That bond does not form overnight. You become sisters with 100 girls and getting to know them takes time. It might take a whole semester just to learn names. Be patient. I wasn’t sure if Greek Life would be for me until my sophomore year when my sisters became some of my best friends.
  • Go to your new member meetings! The New Member educator’s primary responsibility is to care about your transition to the sorority. The New Member educator cares that you feel comfortable–talk to them.
  • Not everyone who goes Greek drinks alcohol. In fact, it is an expectation that as a member, you act responsibly and represent your chapter well. There is a team of sober monitors to enforce the rules at every event with alcohol present. In my sorority, the other sober monitors dress up in ridiculous outfits like footie pajamas! If you feel pressure to drink to make friends, or feel that a majority of the experience is drinking, talk to your chapter advisors and executive board.
  • It’s unrealistic to think you are going to be best friends with every girl in your chapter…or even want to be. This is where that sister component comes in. Sorority sisters should value each individual and respect them regardless if you like them.
  • The reasons you join are different than the reasons you stay. Look out for the reasons that make your sorority a really positive influence in your life.

Lastly, keep in mind that sororities that fall under PHA are just one branch of Greek life. Members of multicultural Greek organizations, academic Greek organizations, and fraternity men go through this transition into their chapters as well. No branch of Greek life is better than any other; support and honor your fellow Greeks!

 

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Adopting an Attitude of Gratitude

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This time last year, my semester in Spain was coming to an end. I was lucky enough to have been invited to spend the holidays in a suburb of Madrid. My friend’s father played guitar and led a chorus of 45 family members through song and prayer before a feast of traditional Spanish cuisine. I was truly overwhelmed, simultaneously feeling both extreme joy and sadness. Comparing my family to hers, and wishing that we were as strong a unit, diminished my ability to be fully present in the celebration.

A few days later on a plane back to Granada, I told the man sitting next to me about my recent holiday in Madrid and about my family in America. Since my parents’ divorce, the holidays have been a source of great sadness for me. My new conversation partner responded in a way that I didn’t anticipate. He said,

You have a choice. You can focus on what you don’t have or you can focus on all that you do.

I have thought about this statement every day since.

gratitude 2This interaction on the plane awakened me. Why could I only recall feeling grateful on good days, but on the days where I struggled, I hadn’t practiced any gratitude. When there are burdens, struggles, and drama, it’s hard to feel grateful. However, we are faced with a decision: do we wait until life gets better again or can we start where we are, in the midst of problems and challenges? Gratitude starts with each of us exactly where we are. Instead of waiting for a positive experience in order to feel grateful, we have the ability to bring gratitude to each and every day.

Before I knew the power of gratitude, I was stuck. Yes, my family is a bit fragmented. But how much greater would it have felt to tell that man on the plane that both of my parents are my biggest fans, who support my dreams to live and study abroad? In the year since this interaction, I can attest that practicing gratitude has brought a sense of peace to my life that I didn’t know possible. Why? Because gratitude is a reciprocal process. When you show someone you’re grateful for them, it boosts your own self-esteem and happiness.

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Let’s start now! As we head into the holiday break, make a mental list of the people in your life who you value. For first-year students: who has supported you through your transition to college? Who has worked to make you feel comfortable at Ohio State and who are you grateful to have met? Use your abilities to bring gratitude to each day. Start by letting those faculty members, advisors, Residence Life staff, peer leaders, family, and friends that you are thankful for their presence in your life. I challenge you to start with just one person. Gratitude catches on and spreads like wildfire. In no time, we will have cultivated a culture of gratitude in the Ohio State community.

 

Thank you for reading.

 

 

Stand Up to Peer Pressure: College Edition

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MYTH: Peer pressure only exists in high school

When we graduate from high school, we don’t graduate from peer pressure. I remember thinking that if I could just make it out of high school, I would finally escape the peer pressure to drink, smoke, and hook up that was ever present, especially on weekends. The reality is that peer pressure is a class from which few of us ever graduate. I had such high expectations for college that it was a rude awakening to realize that peer pressure was stronger than ever.

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In college, peer pressure is heightened because–unlike high school, where we could escape to our bedrooms to avoid some of what was going on–we can’t separate ourselves so easily from our peer groups. Instead of a sanctuary to which we can retreat, our residence hall rooms can be the scene of the peer pressure. For many Ohio State freshmen–away from home for the first time–the physical presence and the emotional and spiritual support of parents and siblings is greatly diminished. The friends who shaped our experiences have gone off in different directions and some have radically changed. These alterations to our support systems can be confusing, and challenge our ability to distinguish among the morals and values we thought we packed and brought along to college.

Why is it so hard to say no?

We all want to make friends, fit in, and be liked. The desire to feel like we are part of a group is completely normal, and most people feel this way their entire lives! We want to appear cool to a potential new friend, so we go along with our ‘friend’s’ request despite knowing that it is not the right choice. I know from experience that sometimes my values can be compromised, especially when I’m trying to escape the loneliness that comes from being with others who don’t share the same values and morals.

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How can we effectively deal with peer pressure?

I’m a senior in college and I still struggle with peer pressure. From the glimpses I’ve gotten of the working world, I’ve learned that peer pressure isn’t going away any time soon. Developing the skills to effectively deal with peer pressure will be a lifelong benefit to us. I have gathered some of the strategies that I and my fellow Peer Leaders use to cope with peer pressure:

  • Educate yourself with the facts. Not everyone is drinking or having sex!
  • Have honest conversations before you are put in a situation where peer pressure may arise. Peer Leader Lauren has found that when she is up front with her friends about her decision not to consume alcohol, her friends respect her choice and don’t pressure her to compromise her values. Don’t be afraid to communicate your perspective with your roommates and friends and be open to listening to others’ perspectives. Good communication on your part about your values helps others know where you stand, and others will be less apt to pressure you to do things you don’t want to do.
  • Try not to rely too heavily on the approval of brand new friends. This is easier said than done. Give more weight to the opinions of those you hold dear than to the opinions of new acquaintances. When stuck on a decision, consult those who embody your values instead of someone who doesn’t.
  • Surround yourself with people who share similar values, especially when you’re still developing a sense of self. I didn’t know myself well enough in my first year to know that I needed friends who didn’t go out and party. I wish I would have realized that there is always someone who wants to watch Gossip Girl or go to Jeni’s for ice cream instead of go out to a bar.
  • Have an exit plan. If you are in a situation where you feel pressured to do something you don’t want to do, it’s perfectly okay to say you’re not feeling well or you have to go. You don’t owe anyone a long-winded explanation.
  • Find someone you trust to talk to when you have felt peer pressured. Debriefing is a good way to understand more about yourself. Perhaps you might have these conversations with your Peer Leader or RA 🙂