How to foster emotional intelligence and healthy communication in your everyday life:
Emotional intelligence and nonviolent communication are both practices that focus on how you understand and relate to yourself and those around you. Strengthening your emotional intelligence and incorporating nonviolent communication into your everyday life is an ongoing process that requires self-reflection. Both of these approaches emphasize being able to identify and respectfully communicate your feelings and needs.
Emotional intelligence and healthy communication promote safety and boundaries, as well as emotional and social wellness. These practices can also give others permission to be more open and vulnerable by modeling healthy behaviors.
Emotional intelligence incorporates the following four elements: self-management, self-awareness, social awareness, and relationship management.
Moreover, components of nonviolent communication include: observations, feelings, needs, and requests.
If these concepts sound new to you, you are not alone – these strategies are not something that we are often taught in school. Here are some tips for practicing and getting started:
- Use the feelings wheel (depicted below) to begin building your awareness of your own feelings and emotions. This awareness can also help you identify and empathize with the emotions of those around you.
- Journal about your thoughts, emotions, experiences, wants, and needs.
- Utilize “I statements” when communicating with others.
- Practice openness and nonjudgment. Try to avoid blaming and shaming.
- Ask open-ended and clarifying questions during conversations.
- Listen to understand and not to respond. You can practice this skill by reflecting, repeating back, or summarizing what someone has told you during a conversation.
- Be mindful of the language you are using – words are powerful.
- Practice curiosity and self-compassion alongside compassion and kindness for others. Self-care is not selfish!
- Recognize the difference between INTENT and IMPACT.
- Focus on behaviors and ideas. For example, if you disagree with someone’s opinion, focus on the idea and not the person. Or, if you are requesting that someone make a change, focus on the behavior you want them to change rather than the person as an individual.
- Express what you would like for someone to do, rather than what you don’t want them to do. This practice is known as making a positive request.
- Incorporate mindfulness and do your best to be fully present in social situations. If you feel yourself beginning to struggle regulating your emotions during a difficult conversation, take some deep breaths or take a break. You can always pause and come back to the conversation when you begin to feel more balanced.
- Once you begin to feel more comfortable identifying your emotions, try to engage in deeper reflection to explore the root causes of your feelings. Can you observe what caused a certain emotion or thought to come up? What do you need in order to acknowledge, process, and cope with the emotion? For example, are you hungry? Do you need rest/sleep? Are you feeling overstimulated? What would help in this moment to allow you to recenter?
- Develop healthy coping strategies for times when it is difficult to regulate your emotions. To learn more about emotional regulation, check out this video from CCS. Practice sharing with people you trust what you are experiencing and what you need in these moments.
- When you make a mistake, take responsibility and accountability by owning up to it, offering a genuine apology, and learning from the experience.
- Practice! You can always start out small, with simple requests and expressions.
- Remind yourself that it is okay to ask for what you need.
If you are looking for additional support to help incorporate healthy communication and emotional intelligence in your daily life, there are resources available. Counseling and Consultation Service offers free individual and group counseling for all Ohio State students. CCS’s group counseling offerings include the Understanding Self and Others Group. Another option for peer support is the Student Life Student Wellness Center’s free individual and group Wellness Coaching services which can help you to identify and set goals.
References
- https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/emotional-intelligence-eq.htm
- https://www.cnvc.org/learn-nvc/what-is-nvc
- https://www.ihhp.com/meaning-of-emotional-intelligence/
- https://hbr.org/2017/02/emotional-intelligence-has-12-elements-which-do-you-need-to-work-on
- https://baynvc.org/basics-of-nonviolent-communication/
- https://www.cnvc.org/trainings/articles/10-steps-peace
- Emotional Regulation | The Ohio State University Office of Student Life
-Lucy Hennon, Graduate Student Assistant