Sex… Easier done than said.
Talking about sex may make you feel vulnerable. You might feel afraid of being judged or rejected. But great sex doesn’t always come naturally! Discussing things like STI (sexually transmitted infection) status and sexual boundaries and preferences before engaging in sexual acts can make you feel reassured and confident. Communicating your feelings about sex and intimacy will take your relationships to a whole new level.
For many students, college is a time in which they are exploring their bodies and having new experiences. This can be both exciting and intimidating! Once you get to know your own body, you can take better control of your pleasure. Learning how to communicate the things you like (and dislike!) with your partners can make the experience better for everyone involved. So how do you do it?
Talk to your friends about it! If it feels too intimidating to bring up a new idea or constructive criticism to your partner, try talking to your friends about it. If you feel more comfortable with them, this can give you some practice with just saying the words out loud!
Send it in a text! If you are not comfortable saying it to their face quite yet, shoot them a text instead. Let them know that you enjoyed X and Y that they did last time, and it would be cool if you could try Z next time. As you spend more time talking about sex with your partners, it will get easier to do.
Bring it up to your partner in a non-sexual setting. If there is something especially intimidating you want to discuss, like STI status or a fetish or kink you would like to incorporate into sex, bring it up when things aren’t hot and heavy. A cool and collected environment can take the pressure off you and your partner and allow for more open discussion.
Be vocal in bed. Your partner should enjoy making you feel good. They just need to know how! Don’t be afraid to say what you want. Try saying things like: “higher,” “slower,” or “a little to the left!” It shows that you’re really into what they’re doing and can make it that much more enjoyable for your partner as well.
All of this starts with getting to know your body better. What do you like? What do you dislike? What do you wish your partners did more often? Explore yourself and learn what “great sex” means to you. Then share it with your partners! When you feel comfortable asking for what you want, your partners probably will too. Great communication means great relationships. Build that trust and build that confidence!
Resources:
- Basic Reproductive Anatomy : https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/health-and-wellness/sexual-and-reproductive-anatomy
- Sex and Pleasure: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/sex-pleasure-and-sexual-dysfunction/sex-and-pleasure
-Kayla Bumgarner, Safer Sex Wellness Ambassador