Habits/Rituals

How Do You Think About Socks?

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One of the best pieces of advice I got when I first got married was:  “Treat socks as disposable.”

This advice worked well for years for me. I did not get upset when our socks wore out or got lost and it gave me permission to purge orphaned socks on a regular basis.

Then my youngest daughter became obsessed with high quality socks and the obsession spread to the rest of the family. I am now willing to spend more for a good pair of socks than almost any other article of clothing. This is because I am extremely frugal and buy most of my clothes at consignment shops or on clearance.

As the cost of our socks increased, I became less willing to treat them as disposable and became frustrated when expensive socks would wear out quickly or get lost. I have had a couple pair of Darn Tough socks that are over a decade old that I wear several times a week. And Darn Tough offers a life-time warranty on their socks. Now, I only buy Darn Tough socks.

This was a complete shift from how I thought about socks. I am willing to pay a lot of money for comfortable, long-lasting socks.

As our socks have become more permanent, I am now faced with the dilemma of what to do when a single sock goes missing. I just realized that I could easily get rid of my frustration if I gave up on the idea that our socks need to match.

When our attitude about something changes, a behavioral shift is imminent. It’s harder to “live and let go” when you are putting more time, effort or money into something. Rather than dwelling on a problem you can’t fix (like finding a missing sock), get creative with how you face the dilemma and allow yourself grace in the process.

How do you think about socks?

Resetting for a New Year

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Hand turns dice and changes the expression “old habits” to “new habits”.

Instead of creating new year’s resolutions, I use many of the tools that I have written about to imagine the best possible outcome for the coming year and to examine my habits to see if I need to adjust them to live my imagined story.   

The first step in creating a new story for myself is reflecting on the last year. I do this by journaling and allowing myself as much time as I need to process and record what I have learned over the previous year. 

The second step is to write a Positive Intention where I describe in past tense the most positive and successful year I could imagine. 

The final step is to identify any habit changes I want to make. For this year, I want to: 

  • Enhance is my ability to Focus and Finish.  For me, this means being fully present and attentive to whatever task I am doing.  As I imagined what this would look like if I was successful, it would mean that every person I interacted with would feel seen, I would limit my Work in Progress (WIP) to 1, and I would only do activities that couldn’t be effectively delegated to someone else. As I get better at Focusing and Finishing, both my professional and personal life will be transformed. 
  • Read something spiritual each night before I go to sleep. I will use a checklist that I leave on my nightstand to track my progress. My husband teases me that I get endorphins from checking things off a list, so this method of tracking should help me add this step to my nighttime routine. 
  • Re-establish my weekly blog. I stopped writing my blog when I took a medical leave last September and gave myself the time I needed to recover. Over the break, I thought long and hard about a process that would help me and my amazing communication team do this more effectively.  I hope it works! 

This process is based on what I have found to be effective and works for me.  

How do you reset for a new year? 

Stressed is being in the weeds. Overwhelmed is being blown. 

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One of the best things about working at a university is feeling the energy and excitement of the students at the start of a new school year. Seeing all the students back on campus made me reminisce about my time in college. I remember it as such an incredible time of fun and growth, but also stress. I remember crashing at the end of each semester in utter exhaustion. The natural cadence of the semester with the breaks in between allowed a respite from stress and time to recharge. 

In some cases, we used to have a more natural ebb and flow to our work based on the academic calendar, but we have all seen the pace of change has become more constant and at time it can feel unrelenting, which can lead to burnout. 

I recently read Brene Brown’s book Atlas of the Heart where she talks about the difference between being stressed and overwhelmed. She used the example of working in a restaurant, which really resonated with me.  

“Stressed and overwhelmed remind me of two restaurant terms that my teams and I often use today: ‘in the weeds’ and ‘blown.’ Back in the day, if I walked into the kitchen and told another waiter ‘I’m in the weeds’ – the response would be, ‘What do you need?’ I might say, ‘Can you take bread to tables 2 and 4, re-tea tables 3 and 5, please?’ Being in the weeds and pulling out of the weeds happened to everyone on almost every shift. It was just part of the job, and you learned to manage it. Walking into the kitchen and saying ‘I’m blown’ – well, that’s completely different. The kitchen gets real quiet. No one asks what you need. Normally, someone runs to the hostess stand to find out what tables you’re running that shift – they don’t even assume you know at that point…When you’re blown, you can either step outside or into the cooler or go to the bathroom (and cry). Whatever you need. You’re expected to be back in ten minutes, ready to go, but for those ten minutes, there’s a complete takeover…Stressed is being in the weeds. Overwhelmed is being blown.” (Brown, 5) 

Being “in the weeds” and “blown” has happened to all of us. As leaders, and as a team, our responsibility to each other is twofold – to feel safe saying when we are in one of these states, and to be there to support our teammates when it happens, knowing they will do the same for us. 

I think it would be valuable for our individual and team health to be able to normalize this straightforward way of acknowledging that you need help. Do these resonate with you?