Shift Your Focus from Fear to Freedom

I recently visited my son and his wife, and each night we played a new board game. It was so much fun! One of the reasons that I was able to enjoy playing so much was that I didn’t expect to win (or fear losing) because I was focused on learning a new game each night. 

I was able to contrast that feeling of fun and freedom I experienced learning and playing board games with the feelings I experienced attending a couple of Ohio State basketball games recently. The team struggled in both games, losing one and winning the second in overtime.

I recall being extremely distressed during both games, which I attended with the intention of having fun. As I analyzed why I was distressed, it became clear that I wanted to be associated with a winning team and had tied the outcome of the game with my own self-worth. Any sports fanatic would be able to relate. 

So much of my sense of fun and enjoyment comes from learning new things, meeting new people and solving new problems. It’s easy to feel this way when I am new to a job or situation, but that fun can turn into distress when the things that are being criticized are things that I had a hand in creating because they are tied to my sense of self. 

This insight is helpful to me in two distinct ways. First, it gives me empathy for the people who created the things I am trying to change. Second, when I feel distressed, it becomes a cue for me to change my focus from myself to the impact I want to have on others. It is an opportunity for me to move from fear to freedom.  

What gives you a sense of fun and play? What causes you distress? How can you use your distress as a clue to change your mental habits? 

Finding Joy Through Random Acts of Kindness

My daughter is in the middle of a stressful semester in college. The last time I talked with her, she shared that to help herself feel better, she started looking for ways to share kindness with others.

Recently while on campus, she noticed that someone had left a water bottle behind at the end of class. She took that bottle and tried to track down the owner. While she wasn’t able to find them, she reflected on how good it made her feel to have tried to do something kind.

That reminded me of some advice my mentor gave me during my recent job transition. He told me to take time each day to thank someone for something they had done, with the goal of surprising that person for being recognized. The challenge was to surprise and delight.

When we combine attention with creativity as we look for ways to be kind, we can delight ourselves and others. As I prepared to write my blog post this week, I felt weighed down by obligation. When we approach kindness as an obligation rather than a fun game, we risk losing our joy in the journey.

February 17 is National Random Acts of Kindness Day and I invite you to join me in finding joy as you look for creative ways to be kind.

Desperately Seeking Friends and Endorphins

My husband claims that I get endorphins from checking things off my to-do list. In the last couple of weeks, however, I have felt exhausted as I have been running at full speed trying to check things off my list. Even exercising, something that I normally love to do, was feeling like a burden or obligation rather than fun and energizing.

I was grateful for the recent winter storm because it forced me to stay home for a couple of days and gave me time to relax and reflect on why I was feeling so exhausted. When it came to my exercise fatigue, I realized that not having friends to workout with was at the core of my exhaustion.

I am an avid exerciser and have cemented friendships through physical activity. My best friend is someone I walked with almost every day for over a decade. I have made friends in new places by joining a local cycling club.

The pandemic, a recent move, and winter have all made finding friends to exercise with difficult. Knowing this is the root of my exhaustion has helped me feel better because I know this is solvable. I am now starting to think of opportunities to combine finding friends with my exercise. Can I invite an acquaintance to walk or cross-country ski with me? Can I find a new exercise class or gym that is more social than what I am doing now?

Thankfully, we have a trip planned to go skiing with my son and his wife. Again, combining exercise with spending time with people I love.

For me, understanding what motivates and energizes me is helpful so that I can take better care of myself.

What reenergizes you?