Sophomore Alex Oakes crafted a wonderful portfolio of creative writing that explored several premodern literary genres and conventions. Below we share his “Tale of a Jacket,” which nods to Restoration-era literary tastes. Specifically, “thing narratives” capture the seventeenth- and eighteenth-century fascination with material objects – their properties, their worth, and how they navigate the sensory world of human beings. Situating his (or his jacket’s) experience in the daily life of an OSU student, Alex underscores the playfulness and creativity required to produce a thing narrative:
I’ll be trying to provide a cross-section of what life on campus is like, though because this is limited to the parts that I visit (and to the perspective of a jacket), you likely won’t be getting a description of, say, the chemistry department. I have to say, I’ve never had so much fun writing something so boring.
In the process, Alex turns something seemingly mundane into an engaging narrative. Along the way, we learn a bit more about his life, his interests, and his community at OSU!
Tale of a Jacket
Alex Oakes
I have heard that the first sentence of any written text is supposed to be attention-getting. By now it’s a little late for that, but perhaps I can surprise you with this sentence: I enjoy it when there’s lots of pollen in the air.
Now, you might assume from that sentence that I don’t get out much, since obviously, no human in their right mind enjoys allergies. You would, however, be wrong – I get out rather a lot, though I will admit that this is because I’m a jacket. As such, I enjoy days when pollen is truly plentiful, because it makes me look fancy, as if I’ve been dusted with gold.
However, there are plenty of other things in my life that I enjoy, besides pollen. Snow is quite nice, and so are leaves and wind. Even hail, I don’t really mind – though it would be better if I got to feel it for a bit longer than it takes for my wearer to run inside. Rain, though – rain’s no fun. Brr. If I get caught in the rain, I end up dripping for minutes, and I can’t stand dripping. No thank you. There are more things than weather to being a jacket, of course – here, if you sit down a while, then perhaps I’ll tell you about the things I usually get to enjoy in a day. Who knows – maybe we’ll share a few of them!
Right then. Oh, let’s see, where to start…
Well, I usually begin my day inside of a closet. We jackets spend a lot of time inside of closets, socializing with the other clothing. Generally, jackets tend to get along best with the coats – even if they do take up a bit of space, we generally have a lot of shared experiences. Now, suit-coats, on the other hand… they’re a bit of a full pocket. Sometimes you get money, sometimes you get rubbish. Honestly, it’s a case-by-case situation, but in general, the fancier the suit coat, and the less often they get out, the farther away they tend to keep from us jackets. It’s a little uncomfortable at times, especially when they start boasting about the weddings and funerals that they’ve attended. The truth is that most of them haven’t attended all that many events, and so they just end up telling the same stories, over and over again. They can be quite unbearable until they get a stain on them, but after that, they’ll quickly drop their haughty attitude.
Now, I usually leave the closet at sometime around seven o’clock. I can tell if it’s earlier or later than that by how quickly I am removed from the closet and taken outside. The early mornings are very relaxing – I get to soak in the sunrise, and maybe even catch some snow. The later mornings, however, are quite fun. I do feel sorry for my wearer, as he might be late for whatever he’s supposed to attend, but it’s just too enjoyable to flap in the wind as he runs!
Unless it’s very late, my next stop is Kennedy Traditions. Sometimes I am worn while my wearer eats, sometimes I merely sit on the back of his chair. Both are alright, really – the chairs are nicely cornered, so I don’t slip off, and there are usually other jackets or coats nearby, so I’ll often get to make small talk with them, which provides a nice bit of variety. I do sometimes get coffee spilled on me, which I don’t particularly mind – trust me, there are much worse things than coffee for a jacket to smell like. Why, once, the overcoat next to me – well, it’s almost too unpleasant to share, but the poor dear found herself covered in mayonnaise! All in her fur lining, too – I do hope she got that washed out.
Now, after breakfast, I’ll end up following my owner to his next class. This is a foreign language class – it is a lucky thing we all speak Jacketese, I can’t imagine not being able to converse with coats from China! At any rate, the chairs here are less cornered, so I end up getting stowed beneath them instead of falling off. This is less-than-ideal. The floors have crumbs, and sometimes – dare I say it – bugs! Eugh. No moths, thank goodness, never a moth, but I have seen ants, and even a spider or two. At least the other jackets will warn me if there’s one on the way, so I have time to brace for it.
For our wearers, though – well, as I mentioned, we do so enjoy flapping about. And as such, if a jacket does have a bug on it, it’s common courtesy for the other jackets not to mention such to the jacket’s wearer. That would be to deny the bugged jacket a chance at a really excellent flailing-about, and now that would just be disappointing.
Now, after that, my wearer will often find a place to sit and study outside. This is something I really enjoy – so long as it’s not raining, of course. No, raining stops this from happening altogether. Rather, when it’s convenient for my wearer to study outside, I find it’s an excellent chance to make quick conversations with the other students’ jackets. Scrubs are my favorite – they’ve always come from something entertaining, and they’re never too haughty to make small-talk with a jacket! And they’re so down-to-earth, even though they’re normally as clean as the suit-coats – I suppose it must have something to do with what gets spilled on you. Beyond that, though, I also enjoy talking with the jackets that have a lot of pins on them. Those are the ones that spend a lot of time at conventions, and conventions are hotbeds of jacket gossip! You always hear about the most interesting things there…
At any rate, after that we go to a US literature class, which is in University Hall – so is the foreign language class, come to think of it. It’s a nice building, besides the bugs – it has a lovely smell of old wood to it, and a little bit of plaster dust.
I don’t listen to the literature class much – there isn’t a whole lot to do with jackets – well, besides the Redcoats, and we tend to avoid discussing uniforms at all. We pity the poor fellows, really – they’re always worried they’ll end up full of holes in some ditch, and that’s just not a nice thing to talk about.
I don’t enjoy the literature class – my wearer uses me as a cushion for his lower back, which usually means that I have quite the difficult time hearing the other jackets (Jacketese, you see, is a very quiet language). However, there’s often a nice blue windbreaker in the seat next to mine, and he’s taken running very often, so it’s nice to hear about all the flapping he’s been doing.
After that, it’s time for lunch. Sometimes we’ll go to Kennedy, which is much the same as breakfast, except with ketchup instead of coffee. Now, ketchup, I really don’t enjoy – it leaves whole sections of my threads stiff and discolored, and besides looking bad, that just gets in the way of a good flapping!
Other times, we’ll go Scott Traditions, which is much larger than Kennedy. There are usually hundreds of jackets in here, so I tend to just keep quiet and listen to the conversations at other tables. I can overhear the most interesting things this way. Why, just the other day – well, if I start talking about that, I’m going to be here all day!
Now, that being said, there is much more for a jacket to be worried about in Scott. Why, all you have to do is get snagged on a single electric scooter, and just like that – ripped. But the sauce roulette – now, that’s entertaining. What might get spilled on you today, something good or something bad? Soy sauce? Baked beans, queso? If you’re really lucky, it’s hot cocoa made with water, and you get to smell like chocolate for a while. But if you’re unlucky… that hot cocoa was made with milk.
Now, after that, there’s usually one more class. Half the time, it’s Professional Writing, and the other half of the time, it’s Asian-American Literature. Either way, I get to go into the English building, which is one of my favorite buildings – it has a lot of one of the better kinds of dust, the wonderfully soft, warm silver-gray kind that you find around computers.
If it’s Asian-American Literature, I get to meet with the jackets of some of the Indian and Indian American student body, among others. They always have such wonderfully fresh perspectives – I so enjoy discussing our current events with them!
But, if it’s Professional Writing, then I’m in for a real treat. The chairs in this class are rounded, so occasionally I do slip off the back of the chair, but this is more than made up for by all the computers in this classroom. The computers keep the whole room warm, which is absolutely wonderful for drying off, especially when it’s been raining. The other jackets don’t seem to enjoy this as much as I do, though… I don’t know why, perhaps it’s less of a novelty for them.
Now, after that, lectures are over for the day! It’s a long walk back to the dorm, during which I might get to enjoy some snow – you might think that snow is uncomfortable for us jackets, in the same way as rain, but no! Snow’s just solid enough for the flakes to brush up against us for a bit, and then fall off. It’s very soothing for us, almost therapeutic. Hail is much the same, but firmer – except when it’s sharp, of course, but that rarely happens. Sometimes there’s more to the day, besides lectures, but that’s rare.
Once we get back into the dorm, I go back into the closet, and get to spend the rest of the day discussing events with the coat and the suit-coat (with the exception of a quick excursion for dinner, which is much the same as lunch, except with alfredo or marinara.)
Such is the life of a jacket – and simple and repetitive as it may seem to you, with your errands, and your job and your classes, we find great joy and variety within it all the same. Perhaps there is something that might be learned from that – but I wouldn’t know, of course. After all, I’m just a jacket!
Alex Oakes is a sophomore studying for a double-major in English (with a focus area of writing, rhetoric, and literacy) and Japanese (language). He is pursuing a career in editing and/or translation, in the hope of getting a good enough handle on the industry to see his own writing successfully published. In his spare time, he enjoys music, writing, and independent research (though that last may just be habit, from being homeschooled through grade school). He dreams of someday inspiring people to prioritize long-term needs, and of staying hydrated in the meantime.
