Author: Amanda Raines, Extension Educator, 4-H Youth Development, Hardin County (The Ohio State University)

Teaching Cloverbuds to Identify and Manage Anger

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Anger is an emotion that all people experience from birth to death.  When an infant is upset or frustrated, the only tool they have to communicate those feelings is crying.  As we age, we develop the ability to communicate our emotions to others by using words and behaviors.  Oftentimes, adults expect young children who are dealing with anger to use coping tools that are not fully developed, such as “using their words” instead of crying.

Helping our children understand anger and develop skills to communicate that emotion can alleviate frustration for both child and adult.  Here is a simple plan to use with your club to begin the process:

Opening Discussion – Have a short discussion with members using these questions:

  • When is a time that you felt angry?
  • How can you tell if a person is angry?
  • What do you do when you are angry?

Read a story – There are many great children’s books about dealing with anger. Try one of these:

  • When Sophia Gets Angry, Really, Really Angry by Molly Bang
  • When I am Angry by Michael Gordon
  • When I Feel Angry by Cornelia Maude Spelman

Debrief the Story – Reviewing what happened will help members identify what to do and not do when they experience anger.

  • Ask what happened to make the character(s) mad.
  • Ask what the character did to calm down.

Make a Calm Down Bottle – This simple craft is easy to make and is a tool that members can take home to practice coping with anger.

Supplies:

  • Water bottle for each member
  • Corn syrup
  • Funnel
  • Tablespoon
  • Glitter
  • Hot glue gun (optional)

Steps:

  1. Give each member a water bottle and have them drink or dump so that it is halfway full.
  2. Using the funnel, have each member add a 2-3 tablespoons of glitter to their bottle.
  3. Add corn syrup to the bottle until it is full.
  4. Hot glue the lid on (parents will appreciate this step!)
  5. SHAKE the bottle and watch the glitter swirl.

Teach each member to use their calm down bottle.  Discuss that this is a tool for them to use when they feel angry.  They just need to shake the bottle and then sit quietly and watch as the glitter settles to the bottom.  If they still feel angry when the glitter has settled, they can shake it again for a longer cool down period.  Challenge your members to use their bottle instead of yelling or crying when they feel mad.

Laying a Foundation for Mental Health Conversations with Cloverbud Members

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Talking about mental health with our youngest 4-H members is a daunting task.  It is not easy to explain topics like depression, anxiety, and suicide to children, but it is vital that we have these important discussions.  Why is it so important?  There are some hard facts:

  • 1 In every 5 American youth live with a mental health disorder.
  • The median age of diagnosis for anxiety disorder is 11 years old.
  • In Ohio, the leading cause of death for youth ages 8 to 10 is suicide.

When breaching the topic of mental health with young children, it is okay to start slow.  As adults, we can help our young members begin to understand what specific emotions look like and how important it is to verbalize what we are feeling to others.  Here are three simple ideas to get you started:

  1. Ask the right questions. Small talk can be a big tool when it comes to helping youth understand emotions. Instead of asking ‘how was school today?’ try asking questions about how youth felt during the day, such as ‘What is one thing that made you [worried, angry, excited, proud, etc.] today?’ or ‘When you finished your test today, how did you feel?’  These questions help youth connect specific emotions with circumstances, as well as developing self-awareness and reflection.
  2. Set the example. If we want our youth to tell us about how they are doing, we have to be willing to share parts of ourselves with them as well. When a 4-Her asks you ‘how are you today?,’ do not answer with ‘fine,’ ‘okay,’  or ‘well.’  Take this small amount of time to give an answer with detail that connects an emotion with an experience.  “Today I am happy because I got to have lunch with an old friend,” “Today I am anxious because I have to give a big presentation at work tomorrow.”  When you share with youth this way, they will be more likely to be able to verbalize their own emotions and experiences with you in return.
  3. Schedule it in. Make talking about emotions a regular part of your Cloverbud meetings. This could be as simple as asking youth to point how they’re feeling on an emotions face chart upon arrival, stating a specific emotion at the beginning of the meeting and giving each person a chance to share a time they felt that emotion, or asking each member to share a “rose and thorn” (favorite thing and least favorite thing) about the today at the closing of the meeting.  This will normalize talking about their emotions with others and may encourage each youth to continue those conversations with their parents at home.

These changes to our regular conversation and interaction may seem small, but they can have a big impact on the ability of our youth to recognize and share their emotions; an important foundation for discussing more serious mental health topics.