I enter into the second semester of my junior year coming off of one of life’s highs and various circumstances make adjusting back to my real life at school all the more difficult. I had spent the last 5 months in 9 countries, I had exactly 7 days at home before going back to school, I had only spent 48 hours in Columbus, Ohio since May 4th 2014 and January 11th 2015 AND on January 11th I drove 16 hours to Dallas and back from the National Championship game. Constantly moving onto the next place, time was not on my side to help with an adjustment period. I felt like a freshman all over again as I was moving into a new house off campus. I am adjusting to much longer walks to class, scheduled meal times, and house duties. Living in the same residence hall the last two years provided me with a enormous sense of security and comfort. I hadn’t realized that taking away Park-Stradley was taking away the center of my universe at OSU. I needed to slip into a routine fast because not having a routine produces a lot of anxiety for me.
Routine – something I used to be good at. Before studying abroad, I thrived at organizing and prioritizing. But I have been out of practice doing those things for quite some time. The semester abroad had its stresses but they didn’t come from demanding coursework, exams, or being accountable to different people in student organizations. I didn’t have responsibilities and my priority was to enjoy life. As I mentioned in my presentation to BLF, I took cues from the Spaniards around me: No pasa nada, No te preocupes. In other words, “Hakuna Matata” or “No Worries.” I didn’t join a gym, volunteer, or participate in any student organization. There was no real rhythm to my life other than eating, siesta, and fiesta. That’s not to say that I didn’t absorb the culture in Spain because I absolutely did. The distinction I trying to draw is between environments: I left one of relatively little stress to one that produces a high stress situations frequently. Most importantly, I feel as though I have lost my coping skills which were being highly organized and very prioritized. At 18 credit hours, an STI/HIV test counselor, Wellness Ambassador, Captain for the Student Wellness Center’s AIDS walk, and sorority member in addition to BLF participant, not having those skills sharpened are affecting my ability to keep it all together.
This adjustment back to real life has proven to be more challenging than I could have anticipated. Both physically and mentally I am doing my best with being thrown back into my “old life”. I don’t say “old life” or life pre-study abroad to sound dramatic. I just mean to say that taking a semester away from school in any capacity makes coming back to school really difficult. In addition to that, studying abroad changes you. It changed me. One way I can see how it changed me is in the goals I have set for myself this semester. My goals have much more to do with being a good friend, sister, and daughter than they do with achieving a certain GPA or landing the perfect summer job. In Spain I became in touch with my heart and less with my head. I want to be remembered as a compassionate and reliable friend, sister, and daughter more than I want to graduate with a 3.7 GPA. The Spanish don’t gawk at accomplishments the way Americans do. Your identity and your legacy have much more to do with how your status among your family and friends. Studying abroad was the first time in my life that I made friends outside of the context of being a high-achieving student. I gained confidence that I am lovable and that people want to be around me because I have a great personality. I don’t need to rely on social status or achievements to be held in high regard or for someone to want to be my friend. This was a liberating realization.
Therefore, my goals this semester are as follows:
1) Be a caring, patient, and thoughtful daughter, sister and granddaughter.
I can do this by: asking questions with my dad that lead to meaningful conversations displaying my love to let my dad know that he is not the less preferred parent, and sending cards to my brother and grandma to let them know I am thinking of them and not forgotten while I am away.
2) Only spending time with friends who make me feel good.
I can do this by: Not wasting energy with old friends where our relationship isn’t growing or supportive of one another.
3) Deepening relationships with BLF cohort members and AEPhi sisters.
I can do this by: Doing an equal amount of sharing and listening and participating on AEPhi dance team.
4) Getting a B or better in all my classes
I can do this by: keeping a planner, google calendar, attending office hours, studying outside of the sorority house, and being attentive in class.
5) Keep up with the Spanish language skills I gained
I can do this by: attending conversation tables and talking to my professor after class
If there is one overall pattern for my goals is they have less to do with individual achievement and more to do with interpersonal interactions. I’m grateful that my time away in Spain let me take a step back from my tunnel vision which was all about achieving. Now I want to take the time to appreciate the wonderful people around me and learn what I can from them.