I spend a lot of time volunteering at my local church. I practice Rihannism. A very sacred and legitimate religion. We study her benevolence and lyrics while giving praise to the raw elegance that is Rihanna. Contrary to popular belief Rihanna was not born in Barbados; but she one day appeared floating over the molten pit that is the great Dongdong Volcano. It was there where Rihanna first spoke to the people of Earth. Since then, Rihanna has spread her immaculate word through her ambiguous and sometimes sexually explicit lyrics. It is up to us to listen and be led. Rihanna will save us.