Parents Who Hid Child’s Gender for Five Years Now Face Backlash
The article “Parents Who Hid Child’s Gender for Five Years Now Face Backlash, written on the TIME website, discusses why parents Beck Laxton and Kieran Cooper decided to raise their five year old child, Sasha, gender neutral. The article also discusses why other parents and critical commenters believe Sasha’s parents are crazy and raising their child as gender neutral should be considered child abuse. Only Sasha’s close relatives were told Sasha’s true sex while everyone else was not told what sex he was. Sasha’s parents raised Sasha gender neutral in every way they could, including: painting his room yellow, buying him both traditionally girl toys, like dolls, and also traditionally boy toys, and also allowing Sasha to wear girl’s clothes, like tutus and little girl’s bathing suits, as well as boy’s clothes. Sasha’s gender was finally disclosed once Sasha began primary school at five years old because his parents believed school would be too much of a challenge without identifying as a specific gender.
When Sasha was asked about gender, he said that gender stereotypes and roles are silly. The article points out how critics of Sasha’s parents are not thinking about the difference between sex and gender. Sex is biological while gender is made up of the social and cultural aspects of being either male or female. Sasha’s parents let him know his sex and what the biological differences are between males and females. Laxton and Cooper kept Sasha’s gender a secret because they did not want Sasha to be forced to conform to male stereotypes and roles. In past classes, we have discussed how almost every product on the market is ridiculously gender stereotyped. Sasha’s parents taking away gender stereotyped toys and clothes lets Sasha choose for himself what he would like to wear. Allowing Sasha to choose what colors he likes, what shoes he wants to wear, and if he’d rather play with Barbies or action figures, lets Sasha create an identity for himself that is made up of his own interests.
Society gives each gender a list of rules and regulations on how to behave properly to fit one’s gender role. Understanding one’s own sex and reproduction system is important, but the stereotypes and rules that come along with gender do not need to be forced onto a child to shape what they “should” be in the eyes of society. The article touches on how many critics of Sasha’s parents believe that not giving Sasha a gender would lead to confusion for Sasha about his sexuality and identity. Confusion for Sasha is a fair argument, but not assigning Sasha a specific gender would allow him to think for himself and figure out his own wants. With a strong selfhood built on his own interests, he would most likely come to a clear-cut understanding of his own sexuality.
The hardest part of being gender neutral for Sasha was the critics, bullying, and ostracism Sasha faced by his classmates. The harsh words of students at school and critical parents would most likely be the source and cause of any unsure, confused thoughts that Sasha had about his identity. Of course, in our world and in our society, not identifying as a specific gender is next to impossible, which is why Sasha’s parents finally disclosed Sasha’s gender. Paige, in the Invisbilia podcast, was not able to function and live a happy life in society because she flipped genders; however, unlike Sasha, Paige did not have a strong sense of identity. Society makes it extremely challenging to not identify as one gender, and those who do not identify as one gender are seen as crazy. Society does not recognize or understand people who do not fit into one clear-cut category, so those who do not fit in are shunned, like Sasha and his parents were. Though Sasha’s parents attempt at shielding Sasha from stereotypical gender roles was taken to an extreme, I do not believe Sasha’s parents were wrong for letting him shape his own sense of self, opposed to society shaping his identity for him in relation to his gender. If society was not so judgmental and gender stereotype-obsessed, Sasha could possibly live a happy life identifying as gender neutral.
I find it very interesting that so many outsiders seem to think that they have a responsibility or a right to comment on how Sasha is being raised. I would argue that these opinionated outsiders are uncomfortable with the inability to define Sasha’s gender based on social stereotypes. It is ironic how these outsiders are so upset because they believe that Sasha’s parents are harming Sasha when in actuality, the parents are protecting him for the sociological pressures with being raised as a male. It is quite sad how the parents felt like they had to reveal Sasha’s sex because they were afraid of the pressures he would receive in school. I do think that because of Sasha’s view on gender at the age of 5 is quite mature. In five years, he has become more open-minded than the outsiders have in their entire lives.
I think it is important to take notice of Sasha calling traditional gender roles “silly” and to relate that to how he was raised. More often than not, children, especially young children, are impressed upon by the people who raise them, for better or worse. So to see Sasha call traditional gender roles “silly” makes sense.
Further, I think this can be seen as an argument that traditional gender roles are a social construct. Sasha’s attitude towards these gender roles are most likely a product of how he was raised, which proves that how we, possibly at a young age, were either taught to be a specific gender or noticed the correlation between sex and gender through the way people in society tended to act. If anyone happens to disagree that gender roles are not socially constructed, I think Sasha’s case is an excellent example that they are.
With that said, I think the reaction by society to be so gender obsessed is reasonable within the sphere of logic that (people who hold traditional values on gender) have created. Perhaps for some of the more religious people they see traditional gender roles as ‘God’s Will’, meaning that they may see the world and how it works as a how God intended it to. For them, the proof ends there. They do not need explanations for things that they have already deemed explained. Whether this is good or bad is up for interpretation. Further, they may equate gender roles with sexual identity. And, for whatever reason, homosexuality has become the most absolute evil that exists (despite it not even being (for Christianity at least) one of the seven deadly sins or a part of the ten commandments). What I’m trying to get at is that the way Sasha’s parents raised him is not really why some people are attacking it/saying it will lead to sexual confusion without any real proof. People are attacking it because it challenges their own identity. They feel personally attacked by what Sasha’s parents did because it makes them question an identity (whether it be religious, gendered, etc.) that they hold very personally. Which is ironic considering they (being the outraged) are in turn attacking the identity of a friggin’ six-year-old.
I don’t know if what I am trying to say makes sense. I come from a very (read: very very) Catholic background, so I have some insight into how a religious person might feel when certain questions are asked or certain social constructs are challenged.
I feel like I’m rambling now, so I’ll leave with what my cool-as-hell HS English teacher kept hanging in her room: Live and Let Live.