The cultural clash between Indian and American ideals is a central theme throughout Lahri’s “Interpreter of the Maladies.” In this week’s reading, I wanted to explore the institution of marriage in both cultures to contextualize the relationship between the Mr. Kapasi’s and the Das’s.
Arranged marriages have been a part of Indian tradition since Hinduism become prominent in India in 500 BC. Even today upwards of “90 percent of all Indian marriages are arranged” (Dhoklia 1). Matches are made by the nayan, a family friend or relative of the bride and groom based on religion, caste, age, profession, and physical appearances. Although marriage has been modernized in India, 74% of young people still prefer arranged marriages (Dhokila 1). This is for good reason too, 1/100 couples will get divorced from an arranged marriage, one of the lowest divorce rates in the world. The constructs of marriage in India promote traditional gender roles, which we have studied extensively in the class as they relate to one’s identity.
In direct contrast, American marriages often lack tradition and idealize the concept of love. Within the union the partners are often not as bound to gender roles because American society is centered around freedom of the individual. Mr. Kapasi is mystified by the Das’s kids calling their parents by their first name, which is a prime example of informality in American culture. Even though the notion of marrying for love is romanticized, the American Psychological Association says that 50% of marriages end in divorce. This statistics pulls into question whether marrying for love guarantees happiness.
In the “Interpreter of the Maladies” the Kapasi’s had an arranged marriage while the Das’s married for love. However, both of these couples face adversity in their marriage. Although Mr. Kapasi and Ms. Das are divided in many ways, they seek eachother out as outlets for internal pain. Ultimately, It is up to the reader to determine how culture affects marriage.
Works Cited
Ahluwalia, Rishika, et al. “Rishika Ahluwalia.” Postcolonial Studies, 13 Sept. 2020, scholarblogs.emory.edu/postcolonialstudies/2014/06/20/arranged-marriages-matchmakers-and-dowries-in-india/.
Dholakia, Utpal M. “Why Are So Many Indian Arranged Marriages Successful?” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 24 Nov. 2015, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-science-behind-behavior/201511/why-are-so-many-indian-arranged-marriages-successful?page=1.
“Marriage and Divorce.” American Psychological Association, American Psychological Association, www.apa.org/topics/divorce-child-custody.
The concept of marriage in this article is very thought provoking. The statistic of 50% of marriages of ending in divorce was very eye opening, but I can easily see why this is so common. I think there is a majority of people who marry off of situational circumstances, family oriented circumstances, and very little off of true love and friendship. This creates an unstable foundation for a relationship that is supposed to last for the couple’s entire lifetime.
I completely agree with the fact that people sometimes marry for the wrong reasons. I have heard this statistic before, but it does not get better when I hear it again. In experiences I have seen, I think that some people marry by basing things off of sunk costs in a relationship, meaning the time they have already put into it, or the fact that no one really wants to end up alone. We let this overshadow our emotions toward a particular person so rather than looking for that one person for us, we look for someone we can make do with because we live in a world today that wants things sooner rather than later. I agree that some are forced to marry others or feel their significant other has to live up to a familial standard, but this leads to an unstable foundation, just as tow.8 said, and forces relationships to start off on the wrong foot. With the pressures many face in society today, it is fair to say that we base things more off of other’s perceptions than our own in many cases. This was a very informative presentation and I enjoyed reading it!
It is surprising to learn that arranged marriages have a low divorce rate of 1/100; however, those marrying for love have such a high divorce rate. What I heard and believed before is that arranged marriage deprived people’s right of marrying who they love so it should be eliminated. This blog completely breaks what I used to think of as right and wrong. Since both types of marriage have positive and negative sides, judgment has to be made carefully.
This post made me think about marriage in a way I haven’t before. While I still believe arranged marriages take away individual rights, it is interesting they have a lower divorce rate. There could be many outside reasons for the higher divorce rate in America such as getting married too quickly. While I still think you should marry whoever you want, this is definitely an interesting way to think of marriage.
wall.233 I definitely agree with your comment, I believe arranged marriage is very wrong and takes away the rights of the people involved in the marriage. While I do believe and understand divorce rates bring lower in these types of marriages, I believe most of the time having an arranged marriage comes with rules and some of those rules may apply to divorce and if that is acceptable in someones religion or culture.
You bring up very important notes concerning arranged marriage and, what you refer to as, marriages for love. I think you’re right; there is an important distinction between the two, as arranged marriages are not preceded by dating and relationships while what you call, marriages for love, are preceded by communication and dating. The foundation of both of these types of marriages is crucial, as your statistics concerning divorce rates imply. However, I will note that arranged marriages should not be referred to as marriages without love and/or marriages that are solely based on maintaining traditional gender roles. While “Interpreter of the Maladies” is an example of how one arranged marriage can be founded on the basis of maintaining traditional roles, I don’t think that this is always the case for all arranged marriages nor does it have to be. As a Muslim, my religion forbids dating and encourages arranged marriages. Islam preaches the idea that love comes after marriage meaning once two individuals devote themselves to each other for the sake of God, then they will fall in love. And from what I’ve learned and witnessed, this is the case which means that arranged marriages can still have love within them without having the sole purpose of maintaining gender roles. And marriages that happen because two individuals have already fallen in love don’t always guarantee that this will be the case forever.
This post was very eye opening to me, I never knew the statistics behind different cultures marriages and divorces. I especially never saw them in comparison to America’s statistics as well. It is very concerning to me that America’s divorce rates are so high even though there is no arranged marriages, although there are marriages for many other reasons. I also never knew that arranged marriages have such a low divorce rate which was interesting and shocking to me.
I really like how you put both statistics of marriage in this post. It is very surreal to think about how only 1/100 arranged marriages end in divorce while 50% of marriages based on love get divorced. In Hinduism marriage is a union that is far too valuable to be interfered with and it is an important social institution. Marriages in India are typically and more focused on two families rather than two individuals joining together. I like to think that arranged marriages, while not directly at the time of meeting but more as growing together, will eventually form love. In American marriages you date for a while, fall in love and the choose to get married. But for arranged marriages you marry first and then I interpret a learning to love as you grow with one another and maybe that is why the divorce rate is less. It is just very interesting looking at arranged marriage as a “better option” especially because I feel like arranged marriages are not right. I actually did one of my diaries on injustice that women face and talked about how some women that are forced into arranged marriages actually end up in a very abusive situation. I also talked about how children are forced into arranged marriages and that takes away their rights and freedoms. It is very interesting to talk about the two different forms of marriage.
I was surprised to learn that 1/100 people will get divorced in an arranged marriage, while 50% of people who marry for love will get divorced. This surprised me because I thought more arranged marriages would end in divorce because these couples are not marrying for love and they may not have a good connection. I wonder if fewer people get divorced in India because of the social pressures for couples to stay together. I don’t believe that love guarantees happiness in a person’s life but I do believe it is an aspect that is certainly beneficial in a meaningful relationship.
It’s interesting to see how arranged marriages have a higher chance of lasting than one that is not. It’s also important to note that in many countries it’s still seen as bad getting a divorce. A lot of couples would rather stay together then get a divorce while Americans view divorce differently and are more often to divorce.
I like how your post focused on the differences in the purpose of marriage across 2 cultures. I think it is important to dispel the myth that arranged marriages do not place value on love. Love is still a priority but arranged prioritize other factors like stability and security more significantly than love. Like the other comments, I was surprised at the low divorce rate among arranged marriages.
It is surprising hearing these statistics and makes you really think about marriage a little differently and makes you wonder if love is the #1 necessary reason to get engaged with someone. It is shocking to see how low the divorce rates are for arranged marriages, given the fact they are not really in love with each other, it is more so their ability to work together and their compatibility. This context presentation was very eye opening and allows me to really look out when reading interpreter of maladies in order to determine how culture affects marriage. Great post!
After learning about the statistical differences in marriages, I found it so hard to believe that 1/100 arranged marriages ends in a divorce. However, numbers don’t lie. It’s sad to see that 50% of marriages that result from one partner selecting another, end in a divorce. I totally agree with the fact that arranged marriages aren’t tied to gender roles. This alleviates a lot of stress that results in a much more stable relationship. Well done!
I am surprised that divorce rates are lower in arranged marriages. I believe that this should make people think about love. If people get married because of love, then why is there a 50% divorce rate? One way to look at this would be that arranged marriages happen because parents and or the families think that they would be a good match for each other, and then the two people meet and figure out how to love each other after they are married. I think that love before marriage could result in higher divorce rates. We learn how to love multiple people before settling down and getting married. If we find someone we love more than our spouse, then a divorce happens. I also think that divorce is more common now because it is accepted by society more now than it used to be.
I thought this was presentation was really interesting to read about the differences in marriages based upon cultures. It really surprised me that the divorce rates are actually higher in unarranged marriages than they are in arranged marriages. It also made me think about how acceptable or unacceptable divorces are in other cultures, because in America a divorce is common in marriages and they are not forbidden or looked down upon. I liked how you included the statistical data about marriages in these cultures because it was very eye opening to read these facts.
Arranged marriage seems so odd to think about, with an American cultural perspective. However, as you said, many people prefer this pathway, as it reflects the culture they were raised in. Looking at arranged marriages in a more detailed perspective, one can understand how they seem more sensible in terms of commitment and success. You mentioned the statistics regarding divorce rates in arranged vs unarranged marriages. However – I wonder if you could consider a culture context for this too. (Where divorces may not be as accepted culturally where arranged marriages are popular) Regardless, I completely agree with you in your statement that any marriage whether it is based on love or arrangement will experience adversity.
I find arranged marriage very odd, when you look at it from an American perspective. In America people do not get arranged for marriage. But in other cultures this is how many people prefer it because it follows their cultures and beliefs. I do find it interesting that the divorce rate is higher for non-arranged marriages compared to arranged marriages.
I have never known how amazing it is about marriage. It is really fantastic to know the difference between the American marriage divorce rate. Divorcing rate in the United States is so high.
I think the idea of arranged marriage is very interesting concept when compared to both India and America. The tradition of an arranged marriage is something many people hold deep BUT many problems can arise including underaged marriages and people not even wanting to be married in the first place. In American the wedding has lacked those values many weddings of Indian culture have.
I think the author’s research on marriage is very profound. I also agree with the author on arranged marriage. I think the disadvantages of arranged marriage are obviously greater than that of free love. First of all, arranged marriage is built on the basis of no more love. So this marriage is fragile. If once you have a child, and because the arranged marriage does not understand the two sides lead to the breakdown of the marriage. So who will raise the children, who can give the correct guidance to the children. And how to make up for the child’s trauma.
Wow, I had no idea that arranged marriages were still so popular, nor that the divorce rate is so slow! That’s surprising to me. I agree with you that this statistic might be due to the different reasons for marrying between cultures. Arranged marriages, as you say, aren’t based out of love. I think it makes sense that they’d have a lower divorce rate, though, because their expectation and wish for their marriage is not very emotional and they don’t expect or require as much from their partner in that respect. I’ll have to disagree with you based on your premise that a 50% divorce rate suggests less happy people, though. Love is an extremely erratic and unpredictable emotion. It is the basis for so many of the happiest stories as well as the greatest tragedies. People change and feelings change and I wonder if maybe it isn’t entirely realistic to think that being married to one person for 60 years means greater happiness than being married to person A for 30 years and person B for 30 years. Along those lines, lower divorce rates might be a greater indicator of the strength of social norms and the value of conformity in a culture than it is a measure of happiness. Great post, just wanted to share some alternative perspectives!