What is Emotional Intelligence?

When I hear the term “emotional intelligence” I immediately think about the season of The Bachelor where Taylor tries to tell Corinne that she has low emotional intelligence. Feel free to indulge in a clip from the episode below. And just a warning, there is some language… it is The Bachelor after all.

And then we have this gem from The Bachelorette where Bennett gives Noah a book on emotional intelligence… if you haven’t had enough already.

And that right there is everything I knew about emotional intelligence until I read the article “What makes a Leader?” by Daniel Goleman (1998). He literally wrote the book on it so he knows what he’s talking about. And if you’re interested in reading the book that Bennett so thoughtfully gifted Noah you can find a link to it here, which is a compilation by Harvard Business Review of ten articles on emotional intelligence including the one by Daniel Goleman.

So, back to emotional intelligence. Goleman evaluated huge corporations to find what capabilities their outstanding leaders had. He found that technical skills, intellect, and emotional intelligence were all key to success, but that emotional intelligence was twice as important as the other two, no matter what position the individual held in the company.

“In short, the numbers are beginning to tell us a persuasive story about the link between a company’s success and the emotional intelligence of its leaders. And just as important, research is also demonstrating that people can, if they take the right approach, develop their emotional intelligence” (Goleman, 1998).

So what is emotional intelligence? Emotional intelligence is made up of five components:

  1. Self -Awareness
  2. Self-Regulation
  3. Motivation
  4. Empathy
  5. Social Skill

Self-Awareness is all about recognizing your own emotions and moods and how they impact others around you. Self-Regulation is the ability to control your moods or impulses, or the ability to think before you act. Motivation is about being passionate about what you do for more than money or status. Empathy is understanding the reasons behind other people’s emotional responses. And social skill is being proficient in building rapport and managing relationships.

Something I have in common with Taylor and Bennett, from our videos above, is that I could stand to work on my self-awareness. It is almost painful to admit that it is a challenge for me, because it sounds so simple, but I know that I struggle in this area. Individuals who are self-aware know how their feelings affect the work they do. They don’t take on jobs or assignments that will overstretch their time or abilities and they keep their goals in the forefront of their mind. How I struggle with self-awareness is by not having realistic expectations for myself. In my last position I had a large workload with strict deadlines that would sometimes come and go without any results. It’s not because the work wasn’t important or that I didn’t have the ability to complete it; quite the contrary. I was so passionate about the work that it was all important and I couldn’t set boundaries about realistic timelines for the completion of projects. I was not aware of my own limitations and in the end this contributed to the burn out I felt which ultimately led to me switching to a new position. Looking back, I can see how not being self-aware truly impacted my day to day work and created a stressful environment for myself. But the good news is that I can see my shortcomings now and can work to grow in this area.

Just like any sort of change that is to be made, awareness of the problem is the first step. I want to become more self-aware so that I can be more successful in my career and also set a good example for others I work with. My plan is to engage others I work with to help build my self-awareness. I plan to bring this up in supervision and have my supervisor hold me accountable. This will not only help me set better boundaries, but will make her aware that I have been struggling with this. I will also give myself daily reminders by putting notes on my calendar to keep me focused.

Goleman says that it takes “persistence and practice” to have lasting results (1998). I know that building self-awareness won’t happen overnight, but I am committed to trying because I know that it will truly having a positive impact in my career, now and in the future.

 

Goleman, D. (1998). What Makes A Leader? Harvard Business Reviews. https://command.columbusstate.edu/docs/readingassignments/auxiliaryreadinglists/whatmakes_a_leader.PDF

What Leadership Means To Me

Dictionary.com defines Leadership as: the position or function of a leader; a person who guides or directs a group; ability to lead; an act or instance of leading; the leaders of a group.

With a definition like that it’s easy to feel distant or removed from the concept of being a leader, especially as a student, unsure where your place is just yet. It can feel like “leadership” is something to be gained at some point in your career, almost like a right of passage. Like you have to meet with X number of clients and work X number of hours and sit on X number of committees to move into the leadership phase of your social work career.

Well, I’m here to tell you that for me, that’s simply not true.

Brené Brown wrote this in her bestseller, Dare to Lead:

“Daring leaders who live into their values are never silent about hard things.” 

For me, this is a call for all of us to stand up for what we believe in; to fight, advocate, listen, outreach, speak out, empower, and help. Social workers, no matter how seasoned, all have a duty and responsibility to serve. All of us have the power to lead by example by simply embracing our core values and daring to make a difference.

So no matter where you are at in your career, I want to challenge you to think about how you are leading in your life already. Do you stay silent about hard things? Do you allow others to speak because you feel like they have more experience or are in a more advanced phase in their career?

DON’T. Your voice is valid. You can create real change by stepping up and being a leader, just exactly as you are right now.