Letting Go of Perfectionism

I recently attended a First Year Success Session addressing perfectionism. Little did I know that this session that I was merely attending to complete an assignment for my Arts and Science survey class would shake my perception of my existence. Prior to attending the session, I had known that I suffered from perfectionism, but I did not realize that it applied to so many of the problems I deal with on a daily basis. Before, I knew that perfectionism meant being very meticulous and unsatisfied with everything, but I did not realize it came at such a high cost. In the presentation there was a quote that said “When perfectionism is driving, shame is in the passenger seat, and fear is right behind.” I realized that much of my anxiety is centered around these unrealistic demands I make of myself. It is a nonstop cycle of anxiety/fear and shame when I face things I am not confident about, or I “fail” at something. As she listed example after example that applied to me, I fell into a nebulous state of clarity, relief, and dread–clarity and relief because I finally knew what entity was holding me back, dread because I did not know how to banish it. The instructor, however, was prepared and offered the class very achievable methods to combat perfectionism: challenge negative thoughts of yourself with positives ones, be present while brushing you teeth or eating a meal, or even looking someone in the eye when talking to them. Each method was seemingly achievable, but none were as resonant as the message she told me privately: it is a constant battle that I will always have to work at, but it can be done. I learned that I was not a hopeless case, that I need not exterminate my condition but live with it in tandem. I was able to take a much needed deep breath. This session will not only help me form a healthier relationship with myself and others, but also will lead me to academic prosperity and success in my first year in college and beyond.