Andrew Zawie’s Paper

Dan’o the Man’o

            A 2002 aqua blue Ford Mustang with a car bra zooms by the valet shack completely neglecting the 5mph speed limit sign.  The rusty old car comes to screeching halt in front of the main entrance as one final blow of cigarette smoke leaks out the driver side window.  The door whips open and out comes the head maintenance man at Columbia Hills Country Club, Dan Ross.  He peaks into the room that I am sitting in and slowly stumbles over to the door.  He opens it and I am immediately hit with a whiff of alcohol.

“Hey man, can you grab a cart and take me to the 12th hole.  I have to take-a-look at the water pump and see how it held up from that rain yesterday night,” Dan quickly says to me.  “Yep, no problem just give me a second and I’ll pick you up by your car.” I respond.

As we are driving down the 11th hole in a cart almost nearly dead from the toll of driving up and down hills all day he begins to put together a story.

He starts off, “You don’t wear a seat belt when you go down and park the cars do you”?

“No I only take it down the hill and park it.  I am not in the car for much more than about 2 minutes at a time and never drive them faster than like 5 miles an hour.” I explain to him loudly as the wind rushes through the cart.

“Well you know I almost died because I wasn’t wearing one in an accident. Let me tell you this one.  I was driving around the bend on Route 82 and Boston Road after an ice storm, maybe a bit too quick but that is beside the point.  Anyways I tried to take the turn and my car flipped.  I was ejected from the car out of my window almost immediately.  I landed on the side of the street and my car was about 20 yards down the street completely totaled” Dan states as he looks over at the 12th hole sign that we just passed.  “Alright well it looks like Kory is down here so I’ll just have him take me up after I am finished.  Thanks again man”! He exclaims.

About 20 minutes later as I sit in the Valet shack once again waiting for cars to pull up I see Dan get dropped off at the blue mustang.  He lights up a cigarette, takes a few puffs and gets in the beaten-up car.  The engine takes a bit to ignite and then roars loudly clearly needing a new muffler.  The brake light finally turns off and the mustang speeds down the hill.