Hahaha. Stress.
I feel like stress and medical school have to go hand in hand. I feel like my personality and stress go hand in hand too. I feel that I have to be slightly stressed at baseline in medical school because it keeps me on my toes. And I’m okay with that! Because otherwise, I’ll get lazy and shirk my responsibilities. The tricky part is keeping my stress levels in check. This reminds me of the Yerkes-Dodson curve:
This balance was a real struggle when medical school started. I kept pushing myself, getting about 5-6 hours of sleep a night (consistently going to bed after my roommates and waking up before them — they called me crazy! Looking back, I’m not sure how I did it for so long), not exercising consistently, and stress eating. Some of these fed into each other, becoming a vicious cycle that I didn’t realize I was in it until two weeks later when I’m already an absolute mess. I let off stress by hanging out with friends, frequently calling my sister and parents, and exercising when I could. I really enjoyed taking the cycle class for medical students at the RPAC, but I didn’t go consistently because it was a hassle to stay on campus until 6 pm, lugging my gym bag around, then having to travel another 40 minutes to get home (no car, so I took the bus). I wouldn’t get home until 8:15 pm.
It wasn’t sustainable, and that’s why I burned out during Foundations 2. Welp.
I was determined to, and was better at balancing myself during MSK. I took the Culinary Medicine class that OSUCOM offers, so every Tuesday night I could look forward to making a healthy meal with my friends. Although it took out more time of my day, it was a good mental break from studying. Looking back, it helped me more than harmed. I tried to be more efficient with my time too: for example, I’d do flashcards on the bus and would listen to lectures while I was cooking. One of my best decisions was to start meeting up with 2 other M1s every weekend to review the past week’s material. Not only did that keep me accountable, I would receive clarification on topics I was weak on. These M1s are some of my closest friends now (on top of that, it feels like I belong more in this new place). I keep talking about managing stress in the academic realm — why?? People always talk about self-care, and that usually entails some sort of non-academic practice, like yoga, journaling, or snuggling up on the couch with my favorite cup of tea. But being in school has taught me that staying on top of the material and getting my passes in are methods for self-care too.
During M1/M2, my greatest challenge was finding the balance between extracurriculars and school. I am someone who jumps enthusiastically into my interests and will push myself to my limits. Insert cliche about you only grow outside of your comfort zone. The problem was that I did not give much thought to how I would allocate my time and energy into it all.
One of my, if not my lowest, points in medical school was during my Step 1 Dedicated. March 17, 2020 was my 26th birthday but was also the start of that terrible period and the beginning of the national COVID-19 shutdown. The isolation caused by the pandemic was not the best ally against Step-induced stress in combination with the inherent belief that in order to succeed I needed to spend most waking hours studying — otherwise, I would not have given it “my best.” I was cut off from many things that made me happy, including hanging out with friends, family, watching movies in theater, and going to the gym and grocery store. My mental health quickly nose-dived. Friends would say I was an anxious mess, and I couldn’t get myself out of it. Unsurprisingly, I have a less-than-ideal Step 1 score. It took me several months to return to a more normal Lauren, but I felt that a fundamental part of me had changed.
I was determined for things to be different for Step 2. I aimed to give myself grace: I took regular real breaks, ate good meals, exercised and went outside more often. I am relatively happy with my Step 2 score.
Medical school in some ways has gotten easier. The clinical years are far more enjoyable because I learn best by doing, and I am more motivated to learn when I can see how my knowledge directly impacts patient care. It is still stressful at times, but I think I’ve gone over the largest mountains, some journeys more scathing than others. Now that I’m in my last year of medical school, I am mindfully looking inward to reconnect with what gives me joy and integrating them into my lifestyle. Importantly, my mindset is now one of balance and grace in the pursuit of excellence, being careful to not have a repeat of Step 1.
I have found joy through many things and continue to find it in new activities. I love keeping in touch with my family, having friends over, cooking and trying new recipes, playing my dog Maggie, exercising, and watching movies/dramas. These cover most of my basic needs at baseline. I’ve found that having a variety of activities lets me be less dependent on one thing to relieve stress. Overall, this leads to a more balanced Lauren. I’ve also made it a point to try new things, such as crocheting, and exploring more of what Columbus has to offer. Since pictures are worth a thousand words, I wanted to include some favorites here:
Fun times with Maggie:
Family and Friends:
Exploring the Great Outdoors (and Columbus Indoors):
My journey through medical school is coming to a close. I have instilled the fact that good physical and mental health are pivotal to success and happiness. I am definitely keeping this in mind as I research residencies, not only focusing on how good the program is, but also what it and the surrounding area offer me in terms of wellness — whether that’s wellness initiatives, hiking trails, good food, or the ability to live near family and friends. As I’ve learned how to better care for myself, I have begun to approach patient care differently. I understand that caring for my patients’ mental and emotional health is just as important as caring for their physical ailments, and will lead to better outcomes. As a physician, I will aim to keep learning how to best serve my patients in mind, body, and spirit.