I never thought I’d welcome the idea of being uncomfortable. I’ve always been prone to seek new experiences and ideas but I never knew I had an affinity for uncertainty. That’s what I came to realize during my signature project. With my STEP funds, I participated in the The Berlin, Then and Now: People, Places, and Experiences Program, a one month study abroad program in Berlin, Germany during the may semester of 2016. During the program we studied German culture, politics, history, language, and business. Our classes served as introductions to course the topics we’d experience first-hand during our excursions. The course was academically rewarding and genuinely interesting and expanded my knowledge of different cultures and societies. Perhaps my favorite aspect of the program was the independence and free time we were allotted to explore Berlin on our own accord, and this is where I believe I made the most personal growth.
Finding myself in an entirely foreign environment, surrounded by unfamiliar people, languages, foods, views, and lifestyles, I felt truly uncomfortable for the first time in my life. Before this, I thought I had a grasp of other cultures and I considered myself an open-minded individual. It was only until I immersed myself in an entirely new atmosphere that I was able to truly reflect on my core values and beliefs. This happened because I was made to destruct my psyche in order to adapt to my new social environment.
The new people I was surrounded by left me uncomfortable. Truthfully, I did not know how to interact with anyone outside of the social circle I had constructed over the past two years of college. I realized it would be a lonely month if I didn’t form new, meaningful connections. So I stepped out of my reserved nature and interacted with everyone around me. Everybody I met reflected my desire to connect and become truly involved in every human’s need for relationship and understanding. The most meaningful connections I made were with a group of Berliners, slightly older than I, who took the initiative to show me how they lived and what they loved. In them I saw their need to express, and they saw my willingness to connect. Over the next few weeks they took me to their favorite concerts, clubs, festivals, restaurants, and welcomed into their homes. I got the idea that we were all just kids trying to make the most out of life. We all grew up in vastly families, cities, and even continents, and in reality did not have much in common outside of our need to experience anything and everything that life had to offer. In this passion we found companionship. The times we shared were short-lived but the memories weren’t. Recently I’ve noticed myself opening to people, something that I have never been willing to do. I’ve noticed that this experience has left me with more satisfaction and self-liberation than I had ever known.
The places I visited made me uncomfortable. Much of what the course focused on was in the scope of the political, cultural, and social history of Berlin, a city with a troubled past. In honesty, the history of Berlin is very dark because it is shrouded in hate, fear, and the desire for power. We visited the Jewish Museum, Berlin Wall Memorial, Stasi Museum, the Sachsenhausen Concentration Camp, and on my own I visited the Holocaust Memorial, the Topography of Terror Museum, and Anne Frank’s house in Amsterdam. I realized that I was the most free person in the world. I am white. I am a man. And I am an American. I have never faced personal diversity, maltreatment, injustice, or abuse. I realized I can travel anywhere on Earth. Anne Frank couldn’t leave her house. East Berliner’s couldn’t leave their city. Jews never really had the chance to leave. Yet, Berlin now blossoms with diversity. It’s people, politics, and culture reflect the true definition of freedom and expression. This city knows freedom, that’s the spirit of Berlin, and that’s because it has experienced the suppression of every aspect of life. Now the avant-garde art, independence, and expression that defines this city is overwhelming because it flowered from the roots of oppression. And that’s what made me uncomfortable. I have never felt that fear or struggle, only the discomfort associated with being in a odd place. How could I let any injustice or suppression of human rights I see go uncorrected? Since my visit to Europe, I found myself constantly frustrated with the political climate in the United States. How different is our mistreatment of minorities from that of the Nazi’s treatment of those they deemed undesirable? How different is the plight of those trying to flea Iraq and Syria different from that of the East Berliner’s risking their lives to escape authoritarianism? These are the questions I found myself repeating over the last few months. I’ve noticed I’ve become more politically active and conscious but increasingly disenchanted with the polarization of our population. I try not to pander, push, or preach, but I try to walk that line and promote the freedom and exultation of all people, regardless of their class, religion, gender, suggestion, or race.
My STEP signature project was the Berlin People, Places, and Experiences Program. The people I met and the places I visited formed one unforgettably profound experience in a very evolutionary point in my life. In all this experience served as an ascetic enrichment, a personal refinement, a coming of age, and could not have been possible without the help of a number of people at The Ohio State University. First off, I’d like to thank Dr. Ethan Doetsch, my STEP mentor, for guiding me though this process and inspiring me to seek this experience. I’d like to thank Maddie Kindig for writing me a reference letter on short notice and personal knowledge, putting her trust in me to represent her word and the University well, and I hope I did just that. Elizabeth Angerman, the program coordinator for making this program possible and going through all of the stresses of organizing this course. Carmen Taleghani-Nikazm and Sarah Larson for being such great instructors and mentors. And all of my classmates for being great friends and inspiring people.
I specifically remember the last night I spent in Berlin, well, it was the morning that stood out. In the early dawn I walked out of a club in Kreuzberg, the concert my new Berlin friends invited me to was still raging on. I knew the sun was just peaking over the hidden horizon as it cast a radiant pink and orange glow on the sky and eclectic architecture. I new my time in the city wasn’t long as I had less than an hour before I had to catch a taxi back to the hotel I called home, collect my luggage and head to the airport. I wandered the streets alone reflecting on the people and places that I had experienced over the past month. There wasn’t a feeling of remorse or sorrow for leaving the city. I knew I had fulfilled my purpose in German, I lived, I grew, I prospered, and blazed my own trail through the city. I realized I had been infected by that inherent feeling of freedom that Berlin radiated and I had been living on that City’s terms for the past month. This was the feeling of discomfort I had came to recognize and pursue because I had welcomed the spirit of Berlin into my own. On the taxi back to the hotel, the driver asked me if I’d ever come back. I want to. But I don’t know if I can. I knew I was incredibly fortunate and even a bit lucky to be there in the first place and the future seemed so uncertain. However, I did know that the impact Berlin had on me would never leave and I’d carry it’s spirit with me forever. In a way it was like I never left. Reflecting now, I can see why my friends and family say something about me changed since that month in Europe. They don’t know, but it’s because I now welcome the idea of being uncomfortable.
– Benjamin Saunders