By: Jewell Jones
You all may be wondering what a people pleaser is; it’s exactly as it sounds- someone who pleases people. Although most people try to do right by others anyway, people pleasers go the extra mile to make sure they are doing good by everyone. Some examples are not being able to say no, even though you want to, not establishing or enforcing healthy boundaries, being too agreeable, and worrying about what others think regarding your behaviors. Having these qualities can lead to you feeling overwhelmed, being stressed out, overextending yourself, and not exhibiting the best you possible.
Now, the question is why? How does one become a people pleaser? There are a few ways all disclosed on this website, but I’ll discuss a few if you don’t feel like opening another tab. I’ll also address some others that aren’t on that site, but this one. One reason behind being a people pleaser is simply being a person full of compassion. This is probably the most common reason, but we still have to remember that we are important as well and need to take care of ourselves first. Another reason is how you were raised- authoritarian households (high expectations followed by punishment if not met), tiger parenting (pushed to perform successfully) and trauma are all ways people end up exhibiting people-pleasing tendencies. More ways include fear of rejection and disappointing others, wanting to fit in, and lack of self-awareness and love.
In order to reverse these tendencies, we have to first be aware of them, then work on changing them. Next, we have to realize we can choose what we want and don’t want to do, no matter who for or how important it may seem to them. Another step is setting boundaries and following through with them- the boundaries are no good if people continue to disregard them. Simply saying no, and ‘sitting with discomfort’ is one of the most important factors when reversing people-pleasing because people then have less power over your actions. The website above lists a couple more along with reminders to tell yourself when it gets difficult to challenge your behaviors.
Now ask yourself this question- am I a people pleaser? If you answered no, and aren’t lying, congratulations! I wish I could say the same. If you answered yes, I hope you considered this post and will do some of the things to help you gain your power back. Please feel free to let me know if this post was helpful, and any other comments you may have.