From the desk of Meagan Ita, PhD
ita.4@osu.edu
For the farthest back that I can remember during my adult life I have identified myself as an “academic”. Yet, during the mid- to late- years of my PhD (which took nearly 7 years) I experienced dramatic ups and down and a strong degree of cynicism about the academic system that had me rejecting any future career in academia more times than I can count (alas, I think this normal toward the end of a PhD…). Yet here I am almost one year into a postdoc role with many thanks to great mentors that encouraged me to stay open-minded about experiences in academia: there is life beyond the at-times soul-draining experience of a PhD and not all institutions, departments, mentor-mentee relationships, nor cultures are the same. Indeed, my postdoc role now is atypical (more on that later) and my experience as a postdoc in a Department of Engineering Education has been completely new compared to my experience as a PhD student in a Department of Bioengineering. Below I reflect on some of the biggest factors in my academic transition, some of which I have welcomed and others I have resisted.
PhD: working individually on one well defined project
Postdoc: working on many multi-person projects that range from well-defined to vague
During the last few months of my PhD in the latter half of 2020, I would literally sometimes go multiple days without speaking to anyone from work. I had experimental plans scheduled down to the minute (I was doing cell culture and wet lab work) and almost welcomed the COVID restrictions that meant I could work alone with laser focus and no distractions. Although I worked on many diverse projects across multiple collaborations and worked as a teaching assistant throughout my PhD, that last year was solely focused on my thesis work and I more or less completed everything on my own. This made a work week that consists of multiple Zoom meetings a day across a variety of projects with several different project leaders … an adjustment. Although my Outlook calendar induced some sense of claustrophobia, working with so many diverse individuals across diverse projects has been exciting; I have noticed opportunities for collaboration across teams and met so many individuals throughout the college, university, and outside of our institution. Energy management (in parallel with time management) is also critical to finding chunks of time to do independent deep work. On the claustrophobic-Outlook days I stick to the low-energy tasks and save the high-energy tasks for the less claustrophobic days.
PhD: being THE expert on my thesis topic
Postdoc: feeling incompetent at everything
A mentor of mine once referred to this feeling of expertise to incompetence as “postdoc-it is”, and I am still experiencing this. I recall a colleague calling me the “KEEN expert” a few months into my postdoc role and I burst out laughing: “How could I possibly be an expert at something after months?! It took years for me to be an expert on my thesis work!” While I still do not proclaim to be a KEEN expert, I do think my idea of what it takes to do a job well and competently had been somewhat mis-calibrated during the PhD. One of the most important skills I learned through my PhD training is how to teach myself anything. Coming out of the PhD, I was (and still am) confident that I know how to learn and how to access resources when I do sense that feeling of incompetence trickling in. Through practicing this, I am continuing to become better acquainted with the field of Engineering Education and my narrower postdoc work within the field. The switch in fields from Bioengineering to Engineering Education has been a huge adjustment. The approach to study design, the experimental methods, how you write papers, the theoretical frameworks are all so different, and I could go on. However challenging, working in two different fields has been inspirational in all the ways multidisciplinary work leads to creative innovation. For example, I see opportunities for pain researchers to benefit from mixed methods approaches (measuring pain can be quantitative and self-reported/ qualitative), and ways that network neuroscience methods could be integrated into studies about how engineering students connect concepts.
PhD: having complete ownership of my work
Postdoc: sharing ownership and supporting others in their work
My postdoc role is unique. It is funded through a private foundation (Kern Family Foundation) and does not have the same publication expectations as more traditional (usually government-funded) postdoc roles. Much of my time is spent supporting others on their independent initiatives; for example, I support faculty in curriculum development. In this case, the faculty member concludes their work with a deliverable, whereas I come out of it without a hard deliverable. Initially, this type of “supporting role” resulted in me feeling like I spent a lot of time and energy on something with nothing to show for it. Over time, my supervisor has helped me realize that that is not the case; supporting others in their work (much like an advisor would their trainees) is in and of itself meaningful work. I am recognizing that this is also a form of leadership. Now, I can look at the others’ work I supported and say, “I helped X faculty members create curricula that reached Y students”.
PhD: having a job description defined predominantly by my adviser
Postdoc: having a job description defined largely by me
Although I have a few very specific responsibilities for my role it is also my responsibility to identify what I want to get out of the postdoc and set goals accordingly. I found this uncomfortable at first because it differed so much from how I operated during my PhD. Moreover, at the beginning of my postdoc position I was, frankly, SO burnt out. I started my postdoc role days after my thesis defense (I do NOT advise doing this) remotely and during a COVID spike, with outstanding papers and thesis edits still on my “to-do” list. I found it very difficult to manage this “academic spillover”, find motivation to set my own aspirational goals for this position and, more broadly, my career, all the while onboarding to a new role and meeting expectations. Talking to other postdocs helped me realize that this is normal. One seminar I attended referred to a postdoc role as ½ postdoc responsibilities, ¼ “academic spillover”, and ¼ professional development for your next career step. Over the last few months, I have gotten much better at managing my time to accommodate all three of these work buckets and maximize my efficiency doing so. I also do not feel as guilty spending time on the ½ that is not the explicit “postdoc responsibilities”. Talking to other postdocs in the department and meeting weekly has helped tremendously with accountability to put energy toward those very important, not urgent items like professional development, too. Acknowledging and embracing the freedom in partially defining my own position has also led me to pursue projects and engage with teams in ways that support my professional goals.
Overall, the last year in my postdoc role has been a tremendous learning experience. The switch in field has revealed where my perspective is narrow and challenged me to consider new ways to teach and conduct research. Being in the “driver’s seat” is intimidating at first but I am embracing the control as I steer toward my next professional career move.