Journal: September 20 2020

September 20:

Today I walked at Maple Grove Cemetery, The River, and Licking Memorial Hospital.

Maple Grove Cemetery is located in Granville, Ohio. Granville is where I spent the first 6 years of my life. My maternal grandmother, Carolyn, spent some of her youth in this town, and returned decades later. There is a house adjacent to this cemetery. I went to a party there when I was 15. A party I never should have attended. It led to the most harmful relationship of my life (we will call him T), but it also led to one of my longest friendships. This is the hardest part of my past to reconcile. How do I forgive the person who exploited me? Have they drastically warped my perception of love? Does the good of finding someone so important to me negate all of the suffering?

The River is actually a small sandbank on a bend in Racoon Creek. It is hidden down a wooded path behind an apartment complex. The first time I went there was with T. An isolated place to swim and have a beer by the fire. I started taking my friends there. It became our special place. We spent many long summer days in that dirty creek, listening to music and laughing. At night we would start a fire and skinny dip. It was our teenage utopia. We knew that every moment here would become a significant memory.

Licking Memorial Hospital is where I was born. As well as my older brother and my younger sister. It is right down the street from where we all grew up. It is where Carolyn fought so many close calls with death and eventually passed peacefully. Each time I see it I think about how close I am to where I started, and how much farther I still have to go.

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