My book club is reading a novel where there is a misunderstanding about the main character’s home life, resulting in a series of white lies being told to co-workers. She thinks that no one will know, but of course there wouldn’t be a story if her boss doesn’t show up at the family holiday gathering.  She then pulls family members into the lies and of course it starts multiplying. As our book club began to discuss the story, we spent some time looking into what is a “white lie” and does it, or other lies even hurt anyone?

I think most of us know that a “white lie” is thought to be a small lie that is typically told to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. But really the white lie is often told to help ourselves, because we don’t want to have an tough conversation or face discomfort. If you think about it, we begin teaching even young children to tell white lies to protect the feelings of a gift giver, or avoid a phone call (“Just tell grandma you like it.” or “Tell them I’m not home”. And did you know there are other colors of lies as well?

The Gray Lie – A gray lie is more serious than its white lie friend, but still not malicious. It is usually said to benefit both ourselves and others.

The Green Lie – A green lie is a deliberate deception by a company about its environmental policies or commitment. They are often misleading and manipulative. They are typically for the benefit of the company that told the lie and may be harming the environment or pulling our consumer dollars to a business that we may not support with the truth.

Black Lies and Red Lies – These are the exact opposite of the white lie. They are told for selfish reasons, to harm someone else, and in the case of the red lie, to seek revenge (even at the cost of harming ourselves). These lies are frequently told to avoid legal actions.

In a recent study about lies, researchers found that most of us tell about 1 to 2 white lies per day. While a small percentage, about 5% of those studied, tell numerous lies over and over. This would be the person who steals someone’s identity or a scammer. The most common lies told were told to avoid others or as a joke or prank.

So, what can we learn about this research on lies? Likely most of us need to do a “Gut Check” every once ina while, and think before we answer. We need to support everyone’s best interests, not just our own. We probably need to be a little more honest and realize there may be consequences when we answer truthfully, as well as when we tell a white lie. If you feel like you are lying more than you should try talking with a mental health professional to determine if there are other problems you need to deal with. Remember that lies are often harmful to both ourselves and others.

If you are wondering about our book club book, it is “Faking Christmas” by Kerry Winfrey.

Writer: Lisa Barlage, Extension Educator, Family and Consumer Sciences, Ohio State University Extension, Ross County.

Reviewer: Ken Stewart, Extension Educator, Family and Consumer Sciences, Ohio State University Extension, Monroe County.