- Speech: Always be prepared with an awful joke to break the ice. If the words coming out of your mouth aren’t strange, sarcastic, or full of witty banter, you’re probably doing it wrong.
- In any debate, you must rattle off two to three (probably mis-)quotations from the last few books you read, and be sure to throw in the phrase “down with the patriarchy”, regardless of its relevance to the discussion.
- Break out into song whenever there is a lull in conversation, or start beat boxing when someone is talking to you to see if they would be a good artist to feature on your next mixtape.
- Actions: In an average day, you must break the status quo by publicly embarrassing yourself in at least three different ways. Popular variations include belting Carmen Ohio as you work out, taking impromptu naps in anywhere but your bed, or having an existential crisis over stop signs.
- Walking is too conventional. Skip to lunch, half-jog (perpetually late) to class, or penny board into bike racks. Nothing is off limits.
- When texting, capitalize random words because you know that everything you say is Very Important and that You Matter A Lot.
- Looks: Every outfit must include at least one piece of spiritwear from any of the groups or organizations you represent. When dressing outside the norm, be sure to have a convoluted explanation as to why. Popular variations include starting a one-man “Tiedye Tuesday”, or wearing a ‘Murica onesie to look like Santa Claus so that you can spread Christmas spirit(see: convoluted).
- Constantly look ready for the gym, regardless of whether or not you plan on working out that day.
- Use “Throwback Thursday” to throwback to when you used to care about how you looked and dress Really Nice to make sure that you still know how to.
Remember: as long as you are in some way creating a ruckus, being obnoxiously positive, and helping to remove the patriarchy, you will be well on your way to being the best Sonya Kapoor this world has ever seen.