In this episode we define the “A” in “CARES” – attitude. A quick definition of attitude is that it is a learned tendency to evaluate our experiences, which often includes evaluations of the people, objects and events in our life. We’ll also explore the components of attitude, factors that influence attitude, and the nine attitudes of mindfulness. After that we host a discussion with faculty from the School of Health and Rehabilitation Sciences all about attitude.

Follow this link to learn more about what attitude is and how it can impact our lives:

https://www.verywellmind.com/attitudes-how-they-form-change-shape-behavior-2795897

Transcript

Hi everyone! Welcome to the HRS CARES podcast! This is Lisa Hayes and I’ll be your host. I am an embedded counselor here at HRS. I am excited to introduce the topic for this month’s podcast. This month we will be taking a closer look at the concept of Attitude which is represented by the letter “A” in our HRS CARES acronym.

For this episode of our podcast we will be using a bit of a different format. First I will offer an introduction to Attitude and share some of the tools we can use to take a closer look at Attitude-what it is, how it is shaped, how it shows up in our lives and how we might impact our attitude when working to build a more balanced and mindful life. After our intro, we will turn to a panel of HRS faculty and staff to share their perspectives, insight and goals related to Attitude.

So, let’s get started with a review of the definition and concepts that served as a guide for our discussion and for our panel. Our hope is that after listening to this episode you will feel encouraged and supported to think more about what attitude is, where it comes from and how we can work together to create a healthier and more mindful community.

Ready? -let’s dive into our “A” for attitude. Attitude is one of those words that gets used often and in many different ways-so, i think the best idea is for us to find a basic definition. Quick definition: Attitude is a learned tendency to evaluate our experiences. This often includes evaluations of the people, objects, and events in our life. To break attitude down a bit we can think about attitude as being a combination of 3 major components. Cognitive, Affective and Behavioral.

The 3 “Components of Attitude”:

1. Cognitive Component: Your thoughts and beliefs about the subject influence your attitude.
2. Affective Component: How the subject makes you feel and how what you feel changes your attitude.
3. Behavioral Component: How your attitude about the subject influences your behavior.

Let’s take a pause for a minute and ask ourselves a few questions, which component of attitude are you most aware of? Are you most aware of what you think and believe about something, are you most aware of how you feel about something, or are you most aware about how your attitude influences your behavior? Which is the hardest for you to understand/adjust? Which of these components feels explicit and conscious which feel more implicit and “automatic”? How might understanding this help to be more mindful of what you are taking from your interactions and what you are leaving?

Okay. Now that we know a bit more about how attitude may show up for us, it’s also important to think about the factors in our lives that can influence our attitude. Thinking critically about the intersections of identity and lived experiences when discussing attitudes is absolutely necessary if we are going to have an honest conversation about the way that people navigate their lives. We are all influenced by social, cultural, and personal realities. When considering the concept of attitude, it’s important to consider the 5 main factors that can have an influence:

5 Factors that can influence Attitude (both positive and negative):

1. Experiences: How I interact with the world
2. Social Factors: How the world interacts with me
3. Learning: What the world has taught me
4. Conditioning: Feedback I’ve received from the world
5. Observation: What I have noticed about the world

Let’s take another pause-thinking about these factors, which do you think has had the biggest impact on your attitude? Which factor has been the most challenging to navigate? Which factor has been the most helpful or the most hurtful? When you think about the people who surround you, which factors do you have the most in common with those people or the least in common? When we think about these questions and whatever answers are coming up for you, it’s important to pause and notice that all of these things can shape and influence our attitude. We think about all the ways attitude can show up and all the factors that influence it. It might be time for us to think about what are the attitude that we can invite to our life.

Finally, we arrive at the part of our discussion that encourages us to consider the health and wellness impact of our attitudes and some mindfulness concepts that might help us to shift our focus to a more balanced and mindful perspective on how our attitude can impact our lives. Let’s take a quick look at the 9 attitudes of Mindfulness:

9 Attitudes of mindfulness:

1. Non-judging: the practice of suspending judgment and “just noticing” your experience.
2. Acceptance: an active recognition of the way things are so that we can avoid trying to force things to be what we want/think/feel they should be.
3. Patience: understanding and accepting that things will unfold in their own time.
4. Beginner’s Mind: allowing your mind to be open to new experiences and the willingness to cultivate a mindset of “seeing things for the first time”. Don’t let what you already “know” limit your experiences.
5. Trust: trusting your intuition and your own authority without needing to seek external validation or confirmation.
6. Non-Striving: releasing your focus on the outcome and experiencing each moment as it happens. The journey, not the destination. Be present and aware in the moment.
7. Letting Go: experiencing each moment without trying to predict, negotiate or hold onto our experiences. Releasing each moment so that you can be fully present in the next.
8. Gratitude & Generosity: recognition and reciprocation of joy, love, and support.

Before we jump into our panel discussion. It’s important to know that everyone is in a different place when it comes to their attitude-for some of us we might just be discovering and exploring our attitude while others may be looking for ways to shift and change our relationship with our own attitude. This list is designed to meet you where you are in that process. Maybe thinking about all 9 of these attitudes is overwhelming-can you pick just one? Maybe you have already been practicing some of the attitudes on this list and what makes most sense for you is to sit in recognition and gratitude for the work you’ve been doing. Or maybe this list offers you a challenge-the challenge to increase the practice and integration of these attitudes into your daily life. Whatever feels true for you, you are invited and welcome here. If you’d like to know more about the concepts we’ve discussed today, please follow the link posted beneath the podcast.

Now that we have covered our main concepts and definitions, let’s join our panel discussion and hear a bit more about their experiences, struggles and perspectives about Attitude.

Panel discussion

Lisa Hayes (she/her): Today, we will be discussing the “A” and our HRS CARES acronym which represents attitude. This month we’ve changed it up a bit and have invited a panel to discuss and speak about their experiences and perspectives on attitude and just as a reminder. The definition we’re working from is that attitude is our learned tendency to evaluate people, objects, and events in our life. So, we are so honored to be joined by an amazing group of buckeyes for this panel I’ll start with my introduction, my name is Lisa Hayes and I’m one of the embedded counselors here at HRS I’m so excited for you to meet the rest of our panel so let’s go ahead and get started with introductions.

Jimmy Onate (he/him): Thanks Lisa my name is Jimmy Onate, I am an associate Professor here at the school health and rehabilitation sciences and I am the director of the division of athletic training thanks.

Samar Long (she/her): I’m Samar Long, my pronouns are she/her/hers and I am the clinical coordinator for the athletic training program and faculty Member as well.

Catherine Quatman-Yates (she/her): My name is Katie Quatman-Yates and I’m one of the faculty in the physical therapy Program. I research and I’m also teaching a lot of evidence-based practice across the curriculum.

Lindy Weaver (she/her): I’m Lindy Weaver I’m an assistant professor in the division of occupational therapy and assisting in the office of academic Affairs as well.

Lisa Hayes: So we’re hoping to have a great conversation today, and one of the things we’re going to do just to get our conversation started we’ll just start with with a question a formal question, so the first question that I want us to think about is we talked a bit about the three components of attitude and so just just a quick reminder, we kind of think of attitude as coming from either the cognitive component of what my thoughts and my beliefs are and some folks will think about it as how I feel and other folks are really more motivated to think about what influences my behavior right. So, we’re kind of thinking about thoughts feelings or behavior so this question speaks to those components and so I’m just curious which of those components, has the most influence in your life when you think about shaping attitude.

And also, maybe, which is the hardest, for us to be kind of consciously aware of when we think about where attitude goes and how it affects our life, and I think some ours agreed to kind of start us off with a discussion.

Samar Long: Yes, so when I think about those different components, I would say the most influential is the behavioral component. I’m a thinker, I like to figure things out so cognitive feels natural to me, but I also pause at times and try and reflect on how has this been influenced time interacting with others.  Because I’m pretty sensitive to how people interact with me, so I try and be aware of how my attitude might influence my behavior.  So, I think that’s probably the one that influences me the most for sure the hardest is the feelings I run from feelings just being completely transparent. I don’t want to deal with that so that is hardest for me to tap into unless you know it’s a very negative experience with attitude and you have that instant feeling or instant reaction. Otherwise, I usually don’t go in that space, just think of, maybe how it relates to my beliefs, but not so much how it makes me feel.

Lisa Hayes: anyone else, think about you know when we’re really trying to think critically about you know how attitude affects how I’m thinking or feeling or behaving anyone else have a thought about how that tends to work in their life yeah Jimmy.

Jimmy Onate: yeah so, I mean, I think, for me it drives a lot of the stuff that, how I respond to different situations and scenarios. And for me the thoughts that I have I’m constantly battling that the insecurity of things and how they drive the feelings of most of the time for me the it’s not a, it’s not unusual to have those feelings of insecurity that drive the aggressive behavior.

And for me it’s the it’s the whole the fight or flight piece, and the insecurity drives the aggressive behavior which drives the fight part would then just keeps on kind of coming around and understanding that is a balance point that I’ve tried to reflect on every day and understanding my attitude and how it comes off so. You know I’m a little different than some are we work together and she knows that I’m feelings on my sleeve type of person.

Trying to manage those things is always a thought in my head.

Lisa Hayes: So interesting right, because when we think about attitude, we know that there’s kind of this conscious level right, where I can hear you saying you’re really trying to think critically about how you’re showing up with that attitude, but we also have the opportunity to kind of have this subconscious thing operating and how we experience the world yeah Katie.

Catherine Quatman-Yates: And I think I have a little bit that contrasting a response to what Jimmy just said, which is sometimes when it’s a subject that’s really uncomfortable brings on all the emotions I shut down, so. I’m not sure that I avoided, although I mean, some are a little bit like that I would like to I guess my body tells me I need to, and so I actually feel like I can’t speak in the moment or I don’t speak in the moment which I think sometimes conveys to somebody else either maybe that I don’t care as much as I do, or, just it can seem in different are apathetic when I it’s more of the opposite, but my body’s sort of hiding it.

Lisa Hayes: Yeah, thanks for that I think some of what we’re thinking about with attitude is. You know how does our attitude affect others and how did the attitudes of others affect our lives. And so I think it’s one thing to have a sense of your own attitude and it’s another thing to really think critically about who’s attitude throughout your life have been very influential and how you perceive the world or its objects or your performance within it, which is kind of you know anchored to what attitude really is I’m wondering for folks like do you have a sense of who’s attitude in your life either positively or negatively. Really kind of affects most often where your attitude comes from.

Lindy Weaver: Well, I don’t ever want to choose the obvious answer, but I think my family and my parents, I think, have really deeply influenced my perspectives on attitudes and how the things I’ve had to, the things I’ve taken with me and built on from the positive end and the things I’ve sort of worked on unwinding from the negative and I suppose, then, so I think kind of looking at that relationship and having that changed over time that has really influenced I think a lot of the way I feel and behave related to my attitude and then I always sort of have a little laugh of being a middle child. I think again in the context of the family, with the parents, I always a kind of laugh about birth order, but there is something at least in my family, having been in the middle and, for example, just thinking from a mediating perspective and trying to be the one who’s looking at how everyone else’s behavior is affecting the situation and then that sort of classic, “Can I fix it can I mediate that” you know sort of I see that play out a lot, even in my current family life with my own family. And even my professional life and had to think of what a strength come from that sort of perspective around attitude, but also what weaknesses come from it, too, so, yeah, it’s been a real long growth process but family for sure Jimmy.

Jimmy Onate: Yeah, I would echo the family, I mean my parents my brother I’m the youngest child. So, we can get into all that but I, you know a little bit different part, so my wife has really helped me tremendously just trying to grow on a variety of different areas so. But recently a big push has been the people that I work with and that I, and I what I mean by work with is not only here at OSU, but also that I work within the baseball community. So I’m a volunteer baseball coach has really taught me a lot on different ways of approaching things the books that I read on.

Positive psychology and mental performance training and stoicism and that’s all different right, so I mean this stoics would not really believe into the positive psychology side of things. But it really has helped me to kind of shape. My attitude in my attitude change students have been tremendous in providing change for my attitude understanding that there’s so many different perspectives players that I deal with on all those pieces, so I would say it’s a never ending on that. I wish you know I told, Samar I wish I could do some things the way that she does it she just it feels like she just kind of takes it all in and let it flow out and she knows that my first response is to jump back right into it. And I think she also goes like okay there’s sometimes that I wish I just jumped right into it, so I could be over with it and not have it linger, so I think we kind of share off each other, and I think that’s the beautiful part of this. You know life journey that we’re all on is that we’re all learning from each other and how they influence all those things positively and negatively.

Lisa Hayes: Absolutely, I mean I think that’s so important. Also, Lindy, middle children unite.  We are here this, but I think some of what I’m what I’m hearing is this idea of what we are learning and what we’re unlearning, and that is this continuous process of what can I take and what. You know what should I leave, and I think that can just be one of those things that really shapes our capacity to learn and experience the world in a different way and I think attitude really runs is kind of fundamental and foundational to that perspective of how much, am I able to take a risk or to engage in new community and to take feedback from places where I’ve never been yeah Katie.

Catherine Quatman-Yates: Oh, I think, in contrast, the middle and older sibling younger sibling thing I have a little bit of unique perspective in the world of that and but identical twin. And so, in some ways I almost feel like I have a mirror out there in the world where I can watch how her attitude is shaping the dynamic. And also, just somebody who’s been by my side from the time that I was born and how my attitude with directly impact another person who’s living, the very same experiences so. And also, I had a dad, who was a triplet and so he did a very good job of just always you know, making sure that whenever one of us was celebrating something the other tried to help celebrate and when one of us was struggling to make sure we help the other through that struggle so. Just kind of a unique I guess insight into how my attitudes been shaped over time.

Lisa Hayes: Yeah, that’s really beautiful right, I mean, I think there are these dynamics of connection and reflection and what we know about human behavior is that we’re often mirroring and modeling the folks that are around us, which is why I think being really intentional about where and how our attitude has shifted will often give us a sense of where we might want to go next and where we might need to kind of pause and hold and sit in reflection, you know I think it’s a good idea to remember that there’s not something to do about everything, but awareness really can often shape the way that we experience and enjoy our life and I think it might be interesting for us to think a little bit about how attitude changes over time and when we’ve noticed those biggest shifts do you know in attitude and what that’s look like for us and what it’s affected in our life. And I think you know we’ve got some thoughts about it, one of the things I think about often is there was a time in my life, where I had a pretty significant loss. And my attitude around my capacity to take care of others, and what was most important and what needed to be centered really shifted and it significantly changed. My relationships with people in my life because I kind of had to step out of a role of managing and protecting and supporting and really shift into what it felt like to need. And how to express need and be willing to kind of absorb it, and so I think often about. How some of those things that we can’t predict or expect will really shift and impact our attitude and our presence in the world, so I’m curious I’m wondering. You know Jimmy I know, maybe you’ve got some thoughts about how your attitude shifted over time and when the biggest shift was for you and what was that, like.

Jimmy Onate: Oh, my goodness, do I have some things, we could have a whole hour of that, but I’ll start with probably the biggest one. So, you know as most PhD tenure track individuals, you get taught to kind of run your lane and stay in your area and to dive deep deep deep into one area. And don’t let anything take you off that and I was doing that and I was running that race and just trying to basically build everything that I thought was going to be impactful on the world, but the reality is everything was just centered on myself. So, I had a student when I was in Virginia at Old Dominion University give me a book and said read this and had earmarked a section for a book called the last lecture.

And the last lecture was about a professor, who was dying from cancer and wrote lessons about it Randy Pausch and the whole part was about that she had me read it was about be he was a recovering jerk where his whole focus was on. Trying to better his life and his reputation and his pieces, as opposed to enjoying the journey and having and bringing other people along and help them, and so that was about 14 years ago now, and I still struggle with it every day of trying to make the world less about me and my reflections and more about how do I help others and then through their pieces and it’s still a slow process 14 years later I’m still about I don’t know, maybe two or three years old in this new attitude But it’s hard it’s really hard, and you know when that student gave it to me, I was offended and then I realized they’re just trying to help me. And that’s but that that’s taken years for me to be able to kind of do that now my kids laugh at me because I say I’m a recovering jerk, but it is a, an insecurity that drives the addiction of self-perspective only that I’ve been trying to come out of so one of my things that I try to do on that is to talk about it.

And then to listen in to read and write down quotes that helped me kind of come out of that area. So, I’ll just kind of in preparation, I just have these things that I have just kind of in general to give me reminders of you know your back into it a little bit so I’m a big Viktor Frankl fan. And so you know he talks about these during the Nazi war camps and he talks about stimulus and response. And having the space in between from your stimulus to response will determine the next level and so he just talked about understanding that space and what you do in that space will determine your response and for me just understanding I, it’s not just always a reflection about me there’s another person involved. In trying to make sure that I have the other person involved in their growth in their development is more important than just my growth and my development.

Lisa Hayes: thanks for that, I mean I just think Just kind of listening to your response and also just like reflecting on what everyone said, I mean, I think, often. That when we’re thinking about attitude we can get into the habit of thinking about our attitude and it becomes this place where we’re isolated in that experience and, and really what I’m hearing and just thinking about is how do we become like more mindful folks about the ways in which our attitude affects and impacts, the folks around us, and then you know Jimmy I think to your point. Having that more kind of dynamic and expanded perspective seems to have enhanced your relationship with yourself and so it’s almost starting out in kind of working in that can often be another way to think about attitude if you’re curious about how can I shift and change and maybe kind of pull that lens out smart I’m wondering, you know, maybe, if you have a thought about that question as well.

Samar Long: I think it’s important to put yourself out there to be challenged. Because if you don’t then it’s really hard to reflect in have opportunities to change your perspective into have a shift in your attitude. I think the biggest shifts have come from me with major life events in mostly with new people coming into my life in like my inner circle. And so, you know, a big change happened when I got married a big change with stepchildren and so for me. And I don’t have to go looking for challenges, I have two middle schoolers that challenge me every day, so it comes to me where I have to think, “hey I’m not really liking, the way this other person’s attitude is,” did they learn that from me and my modeling? How do I want to respond to them so that there will be a better outcome, and we can have an adjustment? So, it’s not just thinking of what I’m putting out there, but also coming back in and asking, “how can I be influencing and be open to the people who are close to you?” You need to listen to them when they tell you, you know. Even if it offended me or you really encouraged me or whatever it is, and just be mindful of that going forward.

Catherine Quatman-Yates: I hear it, and I really appreciate where it’s coming from and how amazing it is that you know your attitudes could switch. Especially with a transformative experience, or sometimes just day to day–things that happen. And for me, I think, some of my biggest relationship changes with my attitude have come in the last two years. With the pandemic, there has been lots of loss, and I started having to realize things about my own history and previous experiences, and how they influence how I engage with the world today. One of my biggest shifts in attitude, I think, has been on the same line as the thing that Lisa was saying–learning to accept help.

I came from a pretty complex history with my parents having a lot of traumas in their lives. My family was dealing with some very complex issues early on in my life, and there were times that, when I was very young, I was being that person to take care of older people–my own parents. And then, coming into the Pandemic it felt like, and still feels like, sometimes the world was on fire–including everybody that I care about.

What is important to me is the struggling from my kids who spent a whole year at home schooling, and to all the students that we’re working with. To look across the street at the Health Care Center and know the struggles that we know our clinician friends are dealing with right now. It is also facing the world at large, where I don’t feel like, sometimes the way the media portrays things, and even my own family members to be a nice place. My reaction to things aligns with my own values and attitudes. I feel like it’s just a really big struggle that I still face every day. Even though it is an everyday challenge, one of my strategies and has been to just find an inspirational quote or a mantra for the whole week or an individual day. I try to find myself, I find something to cling to a little bit as a lens to see the world, so I don’t just feel like I’m powerless all the time to help what’s going on.

Lisa Hayes: So well said. Because I think if we’re having conversations about attitude or, frankly, any lived experience, we need to be thinking about the intersections of folks’ identities, their histories, and the social factors that might influence the way their attitude is shaped and formed. We know that there are some factors that can really shape or impact attitude, and experiences are certainly one of them. Social factors, right, are when we think about how are we existing collectively versus inside our own home. And our relationship to let’s say Covid right, but we also know that we have learned things in our life. And so, I’m also hearing what you said, Catherine, that there is a way that I’ve learned directly from my family and then through observation of other kinds of social environments. And, what it looks like to shift out of and into a new awareness of how those factors have shifted and impacted identity. I think that Katie, you and I probably again share this place of having taken on responsibility from a young age. For me, I grew up in some pretty significant poverty. And now, social factors and how I show up in different environments, willing to accept or connect with people, has really been a tremendous shift when I entered professional environments in higher education. I often think for folks that I interact with about having an awareness of all of these different parts of their identities that may or may not shift and affect our attitude. This is probably a more robust and complete way to think about where the conversation is and where I might like it to go.

I also think that that’s just such an interesting way to think about changing and shifting. But it is also honoring what you have learned that has shaped your attitude in a way that’s sustainable now.

I’m wondering how we think about those factors. What does it feel like for folks for the factors that we’ve kind of discussed as things that can influence our attitude our experiences? Social factors are things that we’ve learned, certain kinds of observations, and just other conditioning things that are socially normalized around us. What do folks think about how those factors have influenced their attitude and maybe which has had the most or least amount of impact?

Jimmy Onate: I think every day there’s something that happens that makes me stop and reflect my handling of the situation would have been with my old self and would if it would be what I’m trying to achieve and be. And again, it’s always something different, but I’m always kind of reflecting of how I would have handled that situation in a past way, and how can I handle it better and a new way. I don’t have any specific scenario right now, but that’s my thought process on it.

Lisa Hayes: And that is helpful because I think some of what you’re speaking to is again this balance between what have I learned to do and what am I unlearning to relearn what I think. My hope around this conversation is that we’re just opening a space for folks to think critically about where attitude is in their life and think critically about where it is and where they’d like it to go.

Lindy Weaver: Yes, when reflecting on this, when I think about this in my own situations, attitude, and factors, I think that I’m over processing. I’m actually trying to think about all of these in terms of my response, whether I’m reflecting back on how I have responded, approach on something, or I’m planning how I’m going to. And even in terms of answering this question thinking well, of all of them, for me, and I think sometimes having too many things to unpack in certain situations and that some factor in a lot more.

So, you know, obviously in your personal life those some of those experiences that in that history, you have with in a relationship, or an interaction really influence, you know how I’m going to come into that that particular response or situation. And then others that are you know in that that grouping but um I think I often have thought that. You know there’s a lot of things I can’t control, which is typically everything, and you know I’ve been working a lot on trying to think about how I perceive that socially. I want to know how someone else interacting with me or the world or what are those feedbacks that I’m getting. And I want to question what things, I am doing, and, in response, that I can shift. So, that’s where I’ve tried to space things out a little bit more so that I’m not overwhelming myself. You know, I can again call back to being that middle child that sort of that perfectionist tendencies like well, can I consider all of the factors and then respond accordingly across all five domains it’s like no you really can’t try to just pull back a little bit. And that’s something I really think about is that you know I have seen it too, and that observational factor that I’ve seen if I tweak something. I can question, “how does that change the situation for better for worse?”. And, and then trying to you know own that when I’m not when I’m doing it well or not doing it well. I like what Jimmy said, “I what am I,” who am I, hoping I’ll be and then also sometimes giving myself the grace of like who I am and saying, “hey some of this is good, but some of this is kind of refocusing back on.” Okay, you know how what am I seeing in response with other people and. So I think yeah it’s a lot of things that for me when I’m trying to reflect on those factors that influence me but those are the bigger ones that I have noticed so.

Lisa Hayes: Thanks, I mean I think some of what you’re kind of leaning into is just the complexity of unpacking you know and thinking critically about it but also. You know you’re kind of moving us forward into this place about mindfulness and how are we kind of moving towards these places where we can think about. Using these different attitudes and mindfulness to shift, where we are and so we’re going to get there to talk a bit about. You know some of what you’re touching on which is kind of this aspect of non-striving, can I enjoy the journey and release the destination right. or even like a I heard some of like a trust, which is another one of those attitudes of mindfulness like can I trust that I exist, and then I am basically good in the world, can handle and embrace me so I’m wondering Lindy if you wouldn’t mind I’m curious a little bit as you’re thinking about trying to think over these domains is there like a part of your identity that you think is most influential when you think about attitude or you’re trying to kind of unpack those different factors that influence you.

Lindy Weaver: You know, for me, when I think about my identity or for me more specifically what role, I have, like some of my really important roles, I think becoming a mother really changed my are you talk about the historical growth of your attitude, I think, because that was probably one of the most significant things for me. For those of you don’t know I had you know I’m planning on having one child and kid you’ll appreciate this I had identical twins I also six and a half years later added a third child to my family, but having the twins really shifted my perspective of what I thought I was in control of, and what I, who I thought I was going to be as a mother and. You know, fast forward several years on both of my boys have some special needs and I think when I. reflect on my attitude what I really learned have learned and learning. Is that something you couldn’t cure I think how I presented to the world, at least in my social or family life, and I also saw some differences in how the like the World interacted with us, and my sons and me and you just start to see all that sort of bubble up and you really don’t know I had to had to do and I’m still struggling through.

You know gauging those responses and how I come into situation, sometimes I’m coming in real defensive, because I have some of those negative experiences, or those perceptions I think of how I think someone’s perceiving us or our family. And then, sometimes I come into it with that that growth, where I’m saying like it doesn’t matter if this is our This is our process and we are, who we are and. I don’t care what anybody thinks and, but you know my sons are will be nine this year, and so you know we’re coming up on, you know I don’t think we’ll ever learn and know fully, but I think that has really, really shaped. My perspective and then I’m not. You know, a silver linings person, but I do think the other thing it has given me from an attitude perspective is the process of enjoying smaller things. And relinquishing a little bit of control and understanding that there’s a little bit of freedom in that too. So, um I tried to bring some of that perspective into my professional life, and some of my other relationships saying like, you know, sometimes the people in your life are going to be the people they are, and so, how do you appreciate some of the smaller things and how do you let go of your expectations, I think sometimes too so that’s been a pivotal thing for me so yeah I

Catherine Quatman-Yates: I heard some of I think I don’t know if your growth is in the same way, shape or form, but how experiences kind of shape your response, now, you know, I think, for me, one of the big changes has been my younger years I had a number of experiences, where I was. Both a victim and a person who observed other people being victimized in some very significant situations and one of the things that I’ve been working on is, you know how do I stand up for myself and for others who are in a tough situation. In a compassionate way because you know in every situation there are maybe a victim and a victimizer but even the victimizer can become a victim and the way that you handle it response. And there are more or less passionate ways to do that, and if you know one way would be to say I guess nothing right and another would be. You know, to really think about what what’s the right way to handle this and if I don’t see anything is that is that worse. And I think as a society we’re getting out, you know we’re trying to do, hard lessons in dealing with high conflict like very, very. Tough conversations and how do we enter those, especially if the situation, maybe set us off since our alarm bells office that trauma response off. How do we handle that, and I am still grappling with that, but I I’m looking for positive examples where that does happen, where, at the end of the day, you know we address the problem that’s there and we do it compassionately so that everybody grows from it, and not so that we do for further traumatization in the process of handling that high conflict situation. So, I don’t know if I have the answers but I’m looking for bright spots.

Lisa Hayes: I think that’s enough to be looking, and I think. You know, I just want to thank you for kind of shifting and inviting that perspective, because I think. You know surviving and experiencing and relating in ways that have influences of trauma right it really does shift our capacity to show up and be present. And to navigate symptoms right, and so the first thing we’re doing is we’re navigating our symptoms and we’re taking care of ourselves, and then the next thing we’re doing is asking. If I’ve survived this, how do I exist, you know within these tough places or systems or relationships and trying to think critically about that one aspect of attitude which is behavior. Right, aside from how thing makes me feel like what do I do with what I’m feeling and how do I. kind of work through the parts of me that have you know, been influenced by past experiences versus the parts of me that are really wanting to create future experiences. For other folks in my life and in my community, and it can be really complicated, depending on how much you’re kind of sifting and sorting through and so, you know, again we’ll talk about some of those mindfulness qualities but there isn’t an energy of patients in that and can I hold space with myself and can I hold space with where I’m going and where I’d like to go some are.

Samar Long: One of the attitudes in aspects of mindfulness that I think push me the most is non judging and so that’s hard for everybody right. But when I think about it, and now so think about it in the context of my identity your visibly I show up a certain way in every space that I go, so there are aspects of my identity there aren’t hidden that aren’t you know, invisible is so because of their I know that you people are going to have ideas and thoughts and opinions of me wherever I go. And I have to be aware of do I want to attribute some specific judgment, whether that’s positive or negative to what I think I’m experiencing. And also, when I interact with other people, am I doing the same thing so just move into that space of observing noticing things taking things in and not necessarily attributing to a right or wrong, a good or bad. This snap judgment is really difficult but that’s something that I’ve been working on over time. And also being aware that other people are working through it too right so even though they’re coming in, and I might feel. A certain discomfort or I might have a certain experience I need to be recognizing that other people are on a journey to of improving themselves, while I’m on this journey to improve myself.

Lisa Hayes: Well said, I mean, I think I love the length of journey right it implies movement. And so, I’m wondering kind of as we round out our discussion, and we think about those attitudes of mindfulness right and so we’ve reviewed them but. You know, again, there are nine of them right and so there’s non judging, holding acceptance, patience, beginner’s mind, trust, non-striving, letting go, gratitude and generosity. I think sometimes when we think about that list it feels maybe like a lot, you know, whenever I referenced the list, I think, oh my word like nine ways that I can think about my life and shifting it and trying to create a more mindful and balanced life. But I do think that some of why this conversation has such depth and power is because there is an aspect of what do we know and then what might I want to know about my own life and then trying to invite a kind of mindfulness practice in. And that’s a lot of what motivates HRS CARES, and this podcast is just thinking critically about what are we doing what we are willing and able to do to shift into a life that’s more sustainable that we’re all deserving of. And that also has a mindfulness quality that allows us to kind of pause and sit and exist. So, I’m wondering when we when we think about that that long list of ways that we could shift and think about our attitude differently if anyone has a perspective about. Maybe there’s something on that list that you’re already really doing and you’re feeling really great about, or something that scares you or something that excites you to try. Some are kind of opened us up with some vulnerability and we talked about working at being non-judging but I’m wondering, who else has something on that list? Yeah Katie

Catherine Quatman-Yates: I think the you know the last one really speaks to me the most these days gratitude and generosity. In the context of I think HRS CARES especially I’m very gracious and very happy for the colleagues and the students and their understanding and all that’s been going on as we kind of move forward in every this new world. And when I think back on my life, those are the bright spots, but I had professors in my life or peers in my life, who were able to hold that space for me when things were difficult, and I want to make sure that I’m generous in that way to you know there’s some ways I think we all can become. What maybe we never had, and so we can be aware of the gaps that workflow for us and how do we offer that for other people so that’s I guess that’s what I’m drawn to most these days.

Lisa Hayes: Thank you so much, I like thinking about becoming what we never had. Think that’s a really beautifully said kind of goal Jimmy what you thinking?

Jimmy Onate: Yeah, the beginner’s mind is you know, think about what we try to do here at HRS right we’re an educational institution. You know, research is just learning new things teaching is learning new things and that’s all of us it’s not just it’s not just the students, I mean it’s a two-way street, the students teach me. As much, if not more than you know we I provide for them, and I think that’s what’s great about the environment that we have here is just a continual growth opportunity.

Lisa Hayes: You know what really supports your point is like in order to benefit from the Community, and what it has to offer kind of starting in that place of open beginner’s mind like a wanting to learn or know something I think is so essential to absorb that opportunity.

Lindy Weaver: Yeah, so you know Jimmy I often tried to think of that too is the idea of learning from my students and my colleagues to so that keeping that open whether it’s that blend of the beginner’s mind or. You know, things of that that nature, but just. I think, often trying times trying to create that stopping point of you know it’ll say you know. don’t let what you already know, limit your experiences, and so I you know I think that’s helpful is just kind of trying to stop and allowing that to happen from the people around you um. I think there always are things to learn and model off of the things you want to do, and the way you want to handle it, as well as the ways you don’t and. But somewhere to Katie the one that really, I’ve been trying really hard to work on in my personal and professional life is that gratitude and generosity, but more from the perspective of trying to give other people. I found that when I shift my perspective of like trying to I believe this is a Brene Brown sort of saying I again, much like many people know a lot of the things that come out of her work, but I have not read any books or anything but just this like phrase, where she talks about like assuming the best out of people, and that is something I really stuck with me is I’ve been trying to assume that people are trying hard or that you know that they’re whether the situation is what it is they’re not coming to it from an intentional place. So, I try and been trying to do that, I think, giving being generous with that sort of mindset and it is shifted my defenses a lot differently. Particularly in my personal life I’m not coming to it with these much of a preconceived notion, I have is one of a little more grace and generosity than of judgment and. You know control so that’s something I’m trying towards and trying to see how that affects my relationships and how I perceive the things that I’m doing and. approaching it, so I just keep thinking about attitude the word that always keeps coming into my mind is perspective and I’m always just trying to challenge my perspective and be open to other perspectives so. So, I’ll leave you with that sort of my thought about some of these I think Jimmy you have something else to do.

Jimmy Onate: yeah, I just wanted to you know. For all of us right and Lindy you just made me really think about it right we’re supposed to have the answers as the professors and we’re supposed to have the answers and network guiding our students along this pathway in this journey, and you know a lot of times. We you know that’s a big responsibility right,  and, you know I know I’ve been doing this for a little while a little longer view I got a little bit more Gray around, but I think being open to know that that we’re still learning, just like they are on the journey, I think it actually helps them because they realize oh I’m not expected to yes, I need to know things but I can’t and won’t ever know. And that’s an okay place to be.

Lisa Hayes: Well, I just I keep hearing that word. journey and I don’t know why it’s appealing so much to me today, but I just want to thank all of you for being on this journey. With us here in this conversation and I’d like to just offer a challenge to myself and to everyone here and to anyone listening to. Just to think deeply about some of these attitudes of mindfulness and which of them could we invite into our life or which of them could we just sit in awareness and just hold space and gratitude for the work we’ve done to bring them into our life. So, I have so much gratitude for the time and the generosity you’ve given up your time or experiences and I really value that and I’m certain that our audience will as well, so thank you so much for your time and it’s been it’s been quite the treat. Thanks so much.