Invisible (by Kathrynn Thompson)

Sheryl Sandberg, the COO of Facebook, lost her husband a couple of years ago and has written a book with Adam Grant titled Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience and Finding Joy about her grief pathway. While preparing my presentation for the internal medicine residents that I referenced in my previous blog I read an excerpt from her book. She reported that her rabbi told her “to lean into the suck” which echoes the suggestion of “when you are in hell, keep walking”; that the only way to deal with grief is to walk the pathway however painful that might be.

 

Sheryl Sandberg also talks about feeling “invisible” during the early weeks after her husband had died and was surprised that friends did not ask how she was doing. She wrote that even when friends asked “How are you?” she took that as a standard social question and did not know how to reply. She suggests you should ask, ”How are you today?” instead.  Eventually she began to acknowledge the elephant in the room and tell her closest friends and colleagues that she welcomed conversation about her loss and that they could ask her questions and also tell her how they felt.

 

We need to encourage our patients and families to tell their story. Specific interventions suggested by ELNEC 2016 include:

  • Provide therapeutic presence
  • Encourage expression of feelings
  • Explore meaning of loss
  • Offer spiritual support and referral
  • Provide for privacy
  • Teach relaxation exercises
  • Identify support systems
  • Engage in or use active listening, touch, silence, reassurance
  • Use bereavement specialists & resources
  • Normalize & individualize the grief process
  • Actualize the loss & facilitate living without deceased