First coming to Ohio State, I was somewhat nervous about what would happen, how I would change, and the newfound freedom that allowed me to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted to. For eighteen years, I was forced to follow all the rules that were presented to me. Whether it were my parents, my soccer coach, or even my teachers, I was told what to do and when to do it because I was not old enough to make my own decisions. I did not know what was best for me, until I got the opportunity to decide where I wanted to go to school. That was one of the first times that I had full freedom to choose exactly what I wanted, without any outside input to convince me otherwise. I liked this freedom, I liked that I was able to figure out my future on my own, make my own decisions.
Even when I decided on Ohio State, I was still relying on those around me for so much, whether it be for money or advice. It was not until I moved in that I finally felt that feeling of independence; I was finally responsible for myself and all of what I did. That first day, I finally parted ways with my parents, on my own for the first time. This was both a nerve-wracking and exhilarating moment for me. Those months before leaving for school, I could not wait for move-in day, wanting so desperately to get away from my small town and find something new. I finally had that, I was finally free, and it was figuring out what to do with that freedom that was such an exciting feeling for me.
I was and still am a very dependent person, but in somewhat different ways. Before coming to school, I relied on my parents for everything. My parents gave me money, took me places, made my lunch, helped me with about anything and everything I could think of. I had to figure out a way to get away from these actions, trying to become a more independent person, being confident enough to do things on my own, taking full responsibility for everything I do. Though I was able to ween myself off of that, I noticed that I became dependent in a different way. I started more to depend on my friends. Throughout my entire life, I always had trouble making and keeping friends, picking people who only used me to copy my homework instead of liking me for the real me. This was a problem that I struggled with greatly all throughout high school, only amplifying the bouts of depression I suffered with in those last three years of school. Because I had all these problems on top of each other, I chose to isolate myself, try to prevent myself from getting hurt again. I spent a lot of my high school career alone, keeping to myself and all of my thoughts. This made me crave companionship and friendship even more than usual. Coming away to school, I was nervous that the same thing would happen, I would not be able to find good friends and everything would be miserable for the next four years. I am happy to say that I was 100% incorrect about that assumption. Since I have been here, I have been able to surround myself with such an amazing group of friends, friends that are so supportive of everything I do and helpful with anything and everything that pops into my head. Without this small group of friends, I honestly have no clue how I would have been able to survive this first year away from home. They have been able to pick me up whenever I fall back down into that deep, dark hole, cheering me up on even my worst days. Though I am still dependent on those around me, it is in a completely different way. I now lean on those around me for support and encouragement, both those things pushing me to accomplish whatever I set my mind to.
Since I have been here, I have had to learn how to take care of myself, trying my best for those bad days to be few and far between, making sure that I always had some amount of happiness and support in my life, no matter where it came from. I was finally responsible for my health and my well-being. I was in charge of what I did and why I did it. That was difficult to deal with at the beginning of the year, realizing that whenever something went wrong, I was the one that had to figure it out. I was the one that had to make sure that I was healthy enough to accomplish what was necessary for myself to succeed. There were a few times throughout the school year where the stress got to me and only bad things happened, but since then, I have learned how to deal with that stress in a healthy and efficient way. I have come back from that stress only bettering myself, becoming stronger each and every day of dealing with it. I have learned how to become a more independent and responsible person when it comes to my health and well-being, and it has only made me a better and stronger person.
Being a part of STEM EE Scholars has done nothing but help me transition into my first year here. Scholars has allowed me to not only be a part of a big group of people who have common goals and interests, but has also exposed me to the diversity that I never had the opportunity to see when I was in high school. Before STEM, I had only been exposed to those who are very similar to me in interests and cultures, coming from a very small area and high school. Since then, I have been able to learn about so many new and exciting ideas, things I never thought I would learn about coming to college, things that are not necessarily important to my major, but are important to my development into a new and more aware person. Not only has scholars been able to expose me to new cultures and ideas, but it has also been able to better prepare me academically for the future that is ahead of me. I have had the opportunity to learn about different ways of learning, ones that are more efficient and allow for better retention of information. Since becoming a STEM Scholar, I have gained better study skills, have learned how to reflect on myself and all that I have accomplished, and have been able to create relationships that I know will turn into life-long friendships. Coming to Ohio State and being a part of STEM EE Scholars has allowed me to become a better prepared and more confident/independent person and I can only wait to see what opportunities these two things hold for me in the future.