Yo, is This Classist
Trinity>> My team and I received an email from a reader that we think a lot of people will be able to relate to. Before sharing their story, we’d like to say that they asked to remain anonymous and we will 100% respect this wish. “Dear Trinity, James and Abdullahi, my husband and I recently have been arguing a lot and it all leads back to finances. He comes from a family of wealth who never had to worry about the current financial status. I grew up with a single father who had to work three jobs to keep food on the table and clothes on mine and my siblings’ backs. My husband doesn’t understand why I still have student loans to pay off and he gets irritated that the majority of my paychecks every month go towards paying them off. He doesn’t understand why I stress so much over our finances and saving money for emergencies. I am terrified of one of us losing our job and putting my kids through the stress of not knowing where their next meal is coming from like I did. He spends our money on trivial things like, money and wealth means nothing to him. I don’t think he understands what my childhood was like and I don’t know how to get him to understand. If I could just get him to see things from my point of view I think our marriage would be healthier. How can I stop my marriage from falling apart over finances?”
Abdullahi>> I believe many people can relate to this with their significant others or friends who come from a different background and upbringing than them.
James>> Classism is such a tricky thing to identify because it can come in many different shapes and forms. As described on https://classism.org/about-class/what-is-classism/ the best way to describe this situation falls under the classism definition of “disdain or shame about traditional patterns of class in one’s family and a denial of heritage.” Not being able to understand someone’s way of finances and understanding of money is classism. It’s something that should be understood by everyone, regardless if they’re upper middle class, rich, or ultra rich. Showing empathy towards someone else’s financial standing is required to be a functioning member of society.
Trinity>> What he is missing here is simply something that he didn’t grow up with, the anxiety caused by not being able to pay bills. He doesn’t have a clue in the world to understand what she is going through. In order to understand, he would have to change the way he has been living his whole life. When the wife was younger, her father was extremely conscious with his finances, and often this affected his mood and decision making capabilities. When she was young and experienced this, it caused her to have the same reaction towards finances. Children will always mimic their parents, and when it comes to reactions this is no different. The stress that comes with lack of generational wealth is passed down, simply because it is all a vicious cycle that can’t be broken.
Abdullahi>>After interpreting her side, let’s look at his. He has constantly lived comfortably his entire life. He lives as ‘ignorance is bliss.’ If he doesn’t worry about it, then it won’t affect him. She is being much more realistic in this sense. The money is not pipelined to him through his parents. Not only that but the lack of a huge student loan you have to pay off is a huge stress reliever. Right now, from the sounds of it, they are financially sound. This can never be enough though. Especially at a time like this. Almost two years ago, the
world was absolutely shocked and this mindset that the husband is in could easily have put the family on the street. His actions need to change. One thing that can be done is educating him. Perhaps bringing up stories from her childhood could help. If she treats some money saving techniques as normal, then he will soon pick up on. An example of this is something like leftovers, a true neutral ground. A lot of families take priority on something like leftovers. They would like to get their money’s worth for their food and keep it as long as they can. Others will immediately throw out food when they are done with it. Now no one should accuse someone of classism for throwing out food, because all this does is take away from real examples of classism and make them unable to be taken seriously. But, by integrating something like saving leftovers into someone’s life, it will seemingly become 2nd nature to them. By consistently doing other things that save money, it will boost their awareness for these certain circumstances.
James>> I think something that could make the both of you a lot more comfortable is creating a monthly spending budget. This would give you a sense of comfort while also helping your husband understand how spending money on trivial things could be adding up and affecting you guys in the long run. I think this could give you guys the best of both worlds by helping you live comfortably while also being able to use the money you work hard for on fun things.
Trinity>> I agree that having a balance sheet and budget could help you guys to plan to have so much money set aside for all your nee
ds. Although it is important to be cautious with your spending, I also think it’s important to buy something for yourself every so often. Or spend some of the money to take your family out to do something exciting. You can’t live your life in constant fear of money running out. This mindset could negatively affect your children if they think you and your husband are tight on money and they continue to hear you arguing about it.
Abdullahi>> Back to what was said before, I think you should definitely share stories with your husband of your childhood. Tell him how the topic of money and finances made you feel as a kid. Hearing your concerns from more of a personal and emotional standpoint could help him to see your point of view better and understand where you are coming from.
James>> I 100% agree with what has been said so far. Everyone has a background story that sometimes needs to be told to someone, in this case your husband, to help acknowledge them where you’re coming fr
om and how you’re planning to overcome your problem, and in your case the debt. Again, going back to the topic of creating a monthly spending budget, by doing this you’ll be seen as more independent as well as being more comfortable as your husband will understand how you’ll overcome it. It could also be a team effort, he can also help you whilst saving money for the two of you to enjoy.
Trinity>> This instance is so common, well, around the country. Classism is abundant and it’s hurting the working class of America.
We won’t fix American politics until we talk about class | Joan C. Williams | TEDxMileHigh
Abdullahi>> This video is a Ted Talk by Joan C. Williams. She does an excellent job putting classism into perspective. There is evidence of clear wealth inequality in the United States. Right now, the rich are the richest they’ve ever been. So if we listen to what Williams said, the most interesting thing I heard right away is how we see this deletion of the middle class coming from the way we view blue collar workers. She describes how back in the day blue collar workers were celebrated, and they had murals painted about them. This all changed however in the 70s when Archie Bunker from All in the Family was creat
ed and depicted a fat stupid blue collar worker. Then came someone like Homer Simpson as another example. You have to remember who writes these characters, Hollywood writers making Williams. Really put things like that in a different perspective because I can think of 20 other examples of this. This destroyed the middle class, now more than ever kids didn’t want to accept these jobs and ultimately became poorer. This is an extremely
interesting concept to think about. We can almost track what is called the death of the American dream to these certain cultural concepts. Another one that’s hurting is how different parts of the country view some of the other parts of the country. Such as hillbillie
s or hicks. It’s classism at it’s finest and it’s often overlooked because so many of the people that people associate with don’t find it offensive. Those people at the butt of their jokes are the heart of the working class. They should be honored and respected. If we can try and go back to the way we were before where we respected the working class and they were honored, the country would succeed.
James>>Classism is a tricky concept to understand, because most people don’t recognize their Classist actions. This is because people commonly associate themselves with pe
ople with the same income. Please try and be more conscious about your statements and consider yourself in someone else’s shoes. As soon as we can do this, working class of the country will succeed and we will all live in a better place.
Sources:
Christina, Posted by. “Classism and Disability.” Christina Irene, 28 Apr. 2020, http://www.christinairene.com/wp/archives/1311.
“Class Action.” Class Action, 7 June 2021, https://classism.org/.
“Classism.” Learned Curiosity, 17 Jan. 2011, https://learnedcuriosity.wordpress.com/2011/01/14/classism/.
“What Is Classism.” Class Action, 19 Feb. 2020, https://classism.org/about-class/what-is-classism/.