I have some very big decisions coming up in my life: What do I need out of a job or a career? Where do I want to live? What are my priorities? And it all seems to come back to this concept of happiness.
I used to think I had this happiness thing figured out. I spent my life, since the beginning of high school until about a month ago, working my absolute hardest to one day get that dream job. I collected leadership positions and achievements and straight A’s like a 90’s kid collected Pokemon cards. I was in 12 extracurricular activities in high school. I had an internship every summer in college, including a terrible marketing internship after my freshman year. I lost sleep and ignored my well-being. I’ve run myself ragged for years. Why? Because I saw each one of those things as the next step in landing that perfect job. And don’t get me wrong, I have had amazing experiences and learnings and, sometimes, relationships come out of those experiences, but I wasn’t learning a very important lesson about happiness.
This summer I had the perfect internship at an amazing company. I worked my butt off on incredible projects, and I learned more than I ever could have hoped. It was everything I worked so hard for, and I got a full-time offer that could be my career for the rest of my working life. But I was miserable. I came home exhausted and sad more days than not. I never felt satisfied or fulfilled. And I was faced with a question that I had long neglected: what if an amazing job I’ve been working towards for 10 years now is not going to make me happy? Trust me, that was not a question I wanted to grapple with, mostly because I didn’t really have a backup plan. I was lucky though. I had recently met someone, full disclosure – he’s my boyfriend now, who had a drastically different view on life. His work is only a fraction of what brings him satisfaction (what a concept!) and he nurtures and invests in other passions like music or board games (yes, board games). He opened up this radical concept of not letting the professional side of life consume him and all of his time. I have watched him excel in school, and now his career, whilst still prioritizing his personal time
So now what? Now I’m working towards have a full life inside and outside of my work (or school if we are talking about the present). I am trying to turn down the intensity and build time into my schedule for me, for reading, boxing, maybe learning basic Spanish (plug: Duolingo). I am working on my stress levels. Making time to travel. And figuring out what makes me happy now, not what I think will make me happy in the future.
Photography and the outdoors make me happy. Photo cred: me 😀