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Lonely Days

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Today was a lonely day. I don’t know why. Not even my mantra from Isaiah (My maker is my husband, the Lord Almighty is His name) seemed to make a dent in my loneliness. Loneliness really mutes beautiful living!

So how do you overcome loneliness? Especially in today’s “socially distanced” world? Experts and leaders can tell us that we are only physically distanced – we don’t have to be socially distanced. But that is a lie!  Being social – interacting with one another is so much more than just standing in physical proximity to another person. It is sharing space; breathing in another’s breath while they breathe in yours; it is the other 80% of our communication – our tones, our expressions, our body language, our spirits that reach out, and not just touch, but entwine and communicate on a level we don’t understand.

I’ve often thought that hell was the complete absence of God and therefore, the complete absence of love. I am coming to learn/understand/hypothesize that while hell is the absence of God and love, it may also be the absence of relationship – a complete aloneness of hearing the weeping and gnashing of teeth, but not being able to communicate with those that are weeping or gnashing their teeth and their inability to communicate with you. And while that would be horrendous – imagine being condemned to the lowest places in hell where you hear no one and nothing.

This scares me! Not for me, but for the people I care about, come in contact with, for those that are so lost. I don’t want them to experience that. Yet, there are days where I wonder if that is where I am heading. Those are my loneliest days – when I have heard no voice but my own.

Where did all of this come from?  I have been listening to a CD set called Affabel: Window of Eternity  a creation of John Bevere.

In my loneliness I tend to have some crime show on TV or I listen to books on CD/tape/digital/whatever…. This particular drama is Christian based and gives us a look at what it means to live eternally. I know that I am not really alone, and it is okay to be lonely. This is when I need to reach out to God.

Worship Today – Forgiveness – how Jesus flipped the script

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Good afternoon and happy Lord’s day. Worship this morning at Meadow Park Church of God was awesome!  Check out the link for a great message – a message about forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a big part of beautiful living. It falls under all the categories – health, wealth, and wellness! Wow, where do I start? I won’t live up to Pastor Mark – check out the message God delivered through him today.

Forgiveness. It can be done. It can be a way of life. It can become a natural response to hurt. IF, and only if, you let God be the author of your forgiveness.  I can honestly lok back at my life and say that I have forgiven those that have hurt me most. When Dana was alive, I asked God to help me see Dana the way He did and to love Dana the way He did and to forgive Dana the way He would. It was one of the hardest prayers I have ever prayed. You see, Dana alternated between being physically, verbally, and sexually abusive to me and being the most loving man I had ever knew. He could be like Jekyl and Hyde. I wanted to love him even while a part of me hated him and feared him. But I prayed, and God helped me to see Dana through His eyes. It is why I stayed with Dana for so long.

So now I am examining myself to see who else I need to forgive. The problem is – I think it is me I have to forgive. That is hard.

 

Today’s reading – John 5:19-47

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Good morning one and all! (or just the one writing this!) I often find myself reading or listening to Scripture with a particular mindset rather than being open to what God is saying. Maybe that’s a me thing, or maybe that’s a human thing. Either way, how much do I miss when I only open one of the eyes of my mind?

I hope you will join me in my study and journey to beautiful living. It requires study of God’s Living Word. We are just going to pick up where I am in John, Chapter 5. Take a minute to read……

Let’s jump in:

These verses today talk about the authority of Jesus and witnesses to Him. Initially my mindset was about how to make this apply to me. Pretty selfish – huh? Yeah, I thought so too. So I went back in all my geeky-ness and read each sentence, diagramming it in my head. (Mrs. Buck would be so proud). I wanted to read it for what it literally says. Here goes:

This is written in first person; Jesus is speaking. It almost seems as though it is a monologue. Who is His audience? Well you have to back up to the beginning of the chapter.  So, we know the characters: The healed man, the Jews (People who were supposed to know God, the Father), and Jesus. But, there was probably an audience if this occurs in the Temple. Oh, and His disciples. It is probably a good guess that they are there too based on the following chapter.

We don’t really know much about the setting to this story. It starts at the Sheep Gate called Bethesda. We know it was the Sabbath day. We know that time passes and Jesus finds the man He healed in the Temple. We know that He says His piece. We know after this that Jesus crosses to the Sea of Tiberias. (oh no! geography! I am geographically challenged.)

The main ideas?

  1. Jesus’ dependence on Father God – as His role model, in Their relationship, in Jesus’ relationship to others, others’ relationship to Father God – past and present, others’ relationship to Jesus, and as Jesus’ benchmark or standard of measure.
  2. Witnesses to who Jesus is – John (a cousin and fellow teacher), Moses (founding father figure for the Jews), Jesus’ own actions and work, the Scriptures, and God the Father, Himself.
  3. The Truth and His discernment about who the Jews (both those listening and Jews in general) really are.

Let me know by adding a comment if you see any other main ideas! I would love to see what you see too! Let’s pray before we dig in any further:

Father God, open the eyes of our hearts, our minds, and our bodies to hear Your Word, Your Son, to hide it in our hearts, to see it reflected in our lives, shared with those You put before us today, and give us Wisdom, Your Spirit, to accept Your Beautiful Living as our own. Amen.

So let’s move to the Beautiful Living principle found in this passage the Spirit brought to my attention.

Check out the first part of verse 45:

Do not think that I will accuse you to the Father. 

Jesus is not going to tattle on the Jews He is speaking to. Think John 3:16-17 (For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him, shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that through Him the world might be saved.)  

Beautiful Living Principles:

1. God, Father-Son-Spirit, does not condemn me / you. Therefore, I should not condemn myself.

2. God, Father-Son-Spirit, wants me / you to be saved. Therefore, I am important to, loved by, and saved through Jesus Christ, and thus also by The Almighty God.

Can you share what beautiful living principles you see in this passage?

Day 2 – Do I really want to do this?…. My mind says…..

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Well it is day 2. Everything I experienced and heard yesterday, confirmed what I had been contemplating about beautiful living during the Ash Wednesday service at Meadow Park Church.

That doesn’t make it easy. As a matter of fact, it makes it somewhat harder! Why is that?

Probably because I have been procrastinating to do what I know I have to do.

Probably because it is hard to for me to take care of myself.

Probably because I feel like I don’t deserve to live beautifully because that word (beautiful) doesn’t apply to me. You know all the words that have been said about you – they never leave and then tend to grow in your mind. At least mine do.

Probably because I know what my past is, what my sins are, what my ugliness looks like.

But part of beautiful living is accepting and seeing yourself through God’s eyes!

So how does God see me? see you? see the world full of people?

  1. When God created humans – He said it was good! (Genesis) – It is good that He made me.
  2. We ARE created in His images (mind, body, and spirit) Father, Son & Spirit
  3. We are worth saving and He never wants to condemn us (John 3:16-17)
  4. We are worth adopting into His family giving us all the rights and responsibilities thereof (Ephesians 1 & 2, John 1, Galatians 4)
  5. He formed all our parts and knitted us together (Psalm 139:13-16)

I could go on and on, but I don’t want to just post a bunch of Scriptures. Choose one today and read it and the surrounding context. Let God speak to you through His Written Word and through His Spirit. THEY will tell you how THEY see you.

On another note, Lenten preparation and Beautiful Living is also about letting go.

God says to “take up our cross and follow Him”.  That means we need to lay down what we are currently holding.  What are we holding on to? a person? words? forgiven sins? old habits? hurt? someone’s opinion of me? lies?  The list can go on.

For me I have to let go and give up a person in my life – oh! I am not giving UP on the person. I am giving the person up to the Lord and out of my life. This is probably one of the hardest things for me. I hate to feel alone, but I tend to surround myself with people that first show themselves as Christian and then aren’t but have great potential to become Christian. I don’t want to give up on them and somehow I always end up in a mess!  Okay – that was my confession for the day.  I am terrible at relationships and terrible at picking friends.

I also have to let go of words that have been said to me and about me. It’s funny, I don’t remember all the bruises and physical ailments from past relationships. BUT, I do remember all the ugly words said to me. (Whoever came up with the saying “sticks and stone may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” was a liar!)  I find myself repeating those words. Some are silly from my childhood (sorry Lisa and Danny) like “Terri dances the jig with a hairy pig”! I will never forget those because it reinforced the feeling that I was dirty and filthy and foolish. It wasn’t the intent of my siblings, but that is how it was received in my hurting heart. Even as I sit here, they bring tears to my eyes and the feelings return. So….

Definitely not easy, but this is part of my Lenten preparation and is going to continue as I work toward beautiful Living. With God’s help – all things are possible.

What do you have to accept from God? What do you have to let go of?

Hello world!

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16 months! 

That is how long I have been back home in Ohio, how long I have been at OSU’s Pelotonia Institute for Immuno-Oncology (PIIO), how long I have been cancer free, and how long I have been without a church family and a ministry. 

I feel like I have been living in an ugly world forever. But, that is no excuse for not living beautifully. I have no excuses for my lack of beautiful living. I want to apologize to Ohio for slacking off. I beg forgiveness from my loving Lord for getting stuck in the mud.

No more! Here, in this journal of sorts, I plan to explain beautiful living, demonstrate how to live beautifully in a sometimes ugly world, and bring glory to God with beautiful living.

Stay tuned for more.

Why Health?

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I am trying very hard to live beautifully and be healthy. One of the group coaching sessions (Breaking through barriers to exercise) posted this commercial link to help us think about our why. Ladies – you will need a tissue!  I am still not sure I know my why specifically – but it is because I want to be able to do – with my 5 beautiful grandkids (2-10 yrs) and live my life (with someone someday) without physical barriers.