Emotional Intelligence

What comes to mind when you hear the word, “intelligence”? Do you think of someone who is clever, brilliant, and super smart? Do you begin to picture a doctor or a scientist, or perhaps someone who is great at math?  What do you think of when you hear the term “emotional intelligence”? Maybe someone who is extremely smart about emotions? In a way, that’s kind of true! Someone who is emotionally intelligent is aware of what they are feeling, they have control over their emotions, they have empathy for the emotions of others, they are motivated and they have excellent social skills. (Goleman, 2004)

As a social worker, it is very important to be emotionally intelligent. However, we cannot all be great at everything! For me, I have sometimes struggled with empathy as I have continued to try to grow as a social worker and as a person. I tend to operate in logic and facts and I don’t often allow my own emotions to control how I behave. So, when I began having to listen to other people and why they were struggling, it was often easy for me to think, “Well if they would just stop dwelling on their feelings and actually work on the problem, there wouldn’t even be a problem!”. However, that’s simply not true, is it? Our feelings are valid and they play a huge role in how we behave, especially if we have not learned mindfulness and self-regulation. I have had to learn that I need to be empathetic and try to see things from the perspective of my clients as I help them navigate their reality. I can still help them work towards solving their issues without expecting them to simply push past their emotions and get to work immediately. If I take time to help my clients work through their emotions first, their actions are much more likely to be effective.

Goleman, D. (2004). What Makes a Leader? Harvard Business Review, 82(1), 82–91.