“Mary Did You Know…?” My Family Spends Christmas With Jesus Now
“I’m dreaming of a White Christmas…”- The White Christmas that I’ve grown up to enjoy is no longer the same.
As a little boy up until my teenage years, I was always so thrilled when Christmas time would arrive. I loved the trees, the lights, the colors, the smells, and even the presents!
Around mid November is when my parents, mainly my mom and I would decorate the house for the coming month. There was something Christmas related in every room of the house, including the bathroom.
My mom loved everything snowmen! As many different Christmas characters there are; snowmen were my mom’s absolute favorite. We had so many different types around the house, ranging from short and fat to skinny and tall. Whether they were hanging on the tree or sitting on the back of the toilet there was a snowman everywhere.
It was my mom’s love and enthusiasm about that time of year that rubbed off on me. Every year I looked forward to this holiday because of how enjoyable it felt. The warmth of hot chocolate with sparkling lights surrounding me. All curled up under a blanket on the couch watching Hallmark Christmas movies with my mom.
This was almost an everyday occurrence leading up to Christmas Eve.
Another reason this time of year was important to me was my mom’s birthday was on Christmas Eve. It was a tradition that each year my parents, my grandma, and I would go out in celebration for my mom’s birthday. We would always try to pick a different place to go. Then after dinner we came back had cake and opened up my mom’s presents.
“The night before Christmas…”- I would also somehow convince my mom to at least let me open up one present. Even though she always hesitated a bit, she could never resist and say no!
Waking up Christmas morning was always truly magical to me. Rising early to walk around scoping out what presents I thought I might have to open. Sneaking around to see where “Santa” had left my big present for the year. Then scooting back into bed and waiting until about 8 o’clock for my parents to come wake me up.
Yes, I would lie there pretending to be a sleep when I really wasn’t. However, eventually my mom found out about me scoping around the house to see what I got!
Once I had opened my presents, it was time to make phone calls to family to wish them a Merry Christmas. This was in waiting for my brother, sister-in-law, and nephew to come over so we could open presents with them.
The continuation of the day consisted of us finishing preparation for Christmas dinner with my mom’s side of the family. We normally had Christmas at our house, so decorating the garage and firing up the heater was a must.
Christmas to me was always “FA LA LA” – FANTASTIC!
But that mid July morning in 2010 is when all of these traditions, joyfulness, and happiness ceased to exist.
With the death of my mom, life wasn’t right anymore. I definitely knew that Christmas would never be the same.
I now decorated the house by myself, trying to live up to the way my mom had done it. I curled up on the couch watching movies alone. And, I no longer wanted to wake up Christmas morning because it was just my dad and I.
Christmas was no longer at our house we went over to my grandma’s, which didn’t feel right to me. We all knew it would never be the same again. My mom was the one that put the “spirit” into Christmas. She was what kept our family close and sane.
These four Christmas’s without her by my side has definitely been a struggle. But I try to enjoy this time of year for her sake. Because I know that she would want it to continue because she knew how much I loved this time like she did.
This year marks Christmas number five without her… And, it marks the first Christmas now without my grandma.
My mind hasn’t constantly been thinking lately,
“What are we going to do?’
“How am I supposed to be happy?”
“What traditions are left that we can do without these two?”
Since last Christmas we have also moved from my childhood home… So going home never feels as if this is my life. It isn’t my home where we live and it doesn’t feel comfortable to me.
“How do I put up the decorations we had?”
“Where we live isn’t my home…”
“Will I ever have a place to call home again?”
Christmas isn’t all about the presents to me. As a little kid, I loved the thrill of trying to find what I had got that year.
Now, all I want is to find my place. The place where it will feel like Christmas again, where I can call home.
My mom is what made up our holiday traditions and made it so exciting. My grandma is what made our family hold on to those traditions…
So, my last question is… “Without both of them here, what will this year and years to come bring?”
That question to me is still remaining unanswered.
“I’m dreaming of a White Christmas… Just like the one I use to know!”
